I didn't cry when he woke up and started talking about his first day.

I held it together while watching him eat a big breakfast from the red "I Am Special Today" plate.

I even remained collected during the drive over.

But when RJ lead us in a family prayer circle around him - asking for protection and blessings over this new phase - I pretty much lost it inside.

However, I knew my boy was teetering himself between brave composure and all-out tears so I took a few shuddering big breaths and held it together.

I wish I could have worn sunglasses into the classroom but somehow I managed to keep my tears locked in the corners of my eyes. 

When we actually said "good-bye" he looked nervous but I saw him physically put on his brave face, wave, and hunker down to some intense coloring.

Parker was so jealous of Landon's backpack he had to find something for himself too, so he grabbed this random Target bag from the kitchen. So sweet!

And so we begin a new phase. I now have an elementary school student. Crazy-sauce!

Where did the time go?!

Thankfully he's really only gone 3 1/2 hours a day so we can all ease into this new development.

My tears really were bittersweet. We are both pumped on kindergarden. Landon was all hugs and smiles when I picked him up. 

Thankfully his teacher Holly emailed all the parents a brief synopsis of the first day (I'm so stoked on her! She already sent Landon and postcard during the summer, gave them a special poem and "nervousness fairy dust" for their pillows the night before, and learned Landon's name.) because Landon informed me 2 seconds after I picked him up and got him into the car that he had already forgot a lot!

He did remember that:

"Teacher Holly sings and plays guitar like Daddy. She read The Kissing Hand and another book about kindergarden. There is a library area in the classroom. Snack was bananas and string cheese. And he played with a boy named Maxwell."

We are so proud of you Landon-bug! 

You're going to rock kindergarden.

This is just the beginning...

My Baby

Mama: "Goodnight my Baby-Boy...I mean, Goodnight Big-Boy."

Landon: "It's okay, Mom. You can call me your baby."

Mama: "Oh, good; because you'll always be my eldest baby."

Landon: "You can always call me your baby."

swoon.

This tender-hearted little man just slays me.

He also plans on never going to college since he doesn't want to leave me. I'm sure this will change but in the meantime I've been explaining junior college and we seem to have an understanding there. 

He does plan on eventually moving out when he's a grown man. He will leave me and move next door. He plans to buy our neighbors house. That way he has his own family but he doesn't have to be too far away.

Sounds like a perfect plan to this Mama.

Kinder Calendars and A New Season

Today I received an email with Landon's official 2014/2015 School Calendar. While plugging dates into the big family calendar on the fridge I realized that come fall we will be entering an new season in all our lives.

Parker's going to preschool two days a week, Landon's starting Kindergarden and I'm transitioning into "the elementary school years" of parenting. Obviously I still have a little at home but things will be really different with Landon in elementary school.

I remember my mom telling me how all she did for years was drive. Drive me to school, drive my sister to school, pick me up, pick April up, drop one of us off for swim practice, drop the other one off for horseback riding, etc., etc., etc. I'm already seeing that in my own life.

I thought with Landon at Kinder and Parker at preschool next year I would have two mornings (6 hours) to myself. But I realized the other day that by the time I drop off one, drop off the other, help in Landon's classroom (it's a requirement for the school we chose, plus I want to), pick-up one and race across town for the other -- I'll end up with a whooping 2 hours a week of alone time! And three times as much time in the car. But hey - I'll still take it!

Oh, and for those of you who remember how much I agonized about where to send Landon, we obviously have made a decision. We prayed and prayed and prayed and really felt like homeschool wasn't what God had for us this year. Then we ruled out private school and we applied to two different charter schools in the area. I specifically asked the Lord to close and open doors because I couldn't make a decision. He closed one and opened the other.

We are excited about Landon's new school. It's progressive (i.e. borderline hippy-ish) and small with a private-school feel. Parental involvement is high (mandatory 4 hours a week in the classroom) and class sizes are small (lottery enrollment). We have heard there aren't many Christians at this school (it's obviously very liberal -- you can tell when you walk on campus) but we are okay with that since we know the Lord is going before us and has His hand on Landon and our family. (I still get nervous about this sometimes but since I will be in Landon's classroom so much I am confident I'll be able to see what goes on and watch for inappropriate influences. Plus, the Lord really has lead us to this school for now.) The school focuses on the whole child (they are big on teaching kids conflict resolution and communication) and they also follow a project-based learning curriculum which I LOVE. It's the type of place that has a yearly three -day all-school campout and only gives out carrot sticks and string cheese for snack. I think we are going to fit in well. :)

Alone Together

This past Friday RJ and I had a little get-away in Santa Barbara.

It was so refreshing and lovely.

Time together and that we sincerely needed.

And it wouldn't have happened without our awesome family. 

Thanks family! We love you!

Do you watch New Girl?

I love it.

Last Monday night I was catching up on a few episodes and I had to screen capture this moment it was making me laugh so hard:

To explain: Jessica (Zooey Deschanel) and her boyfriend Nick decided to "move-in" together (share a room as well as an apartment) so they could be together all the time. Soon after they both started to feel the itch of claustrophobia - the need for a little personal space. In this scene Jessica has checked herself into a hotel and is celebrating being alone. She's literally yelling, "I'M ALONE!!!!". Her euphoria is obvious. 

I watched simultaneously laughing and feeling jealous.

What stay at home mother doesn't relate to this?!

My kids love being around me.

They love me so much they join me in the kitchen, in the shower, in the laundry room, even in the bathroom....

I should be flattered, but sometimes Mama just wants some alone time!

A moment to read a book and eat a snack I don't have to share.

Lately, my alone time comes in small snatches - an hour while the boys rest, an hour or two in the evening, a Saturday hour while RJ takes the kids - and I am incredibly thankful for those small moments. However, I've been craving a serious stretch of quiet. At least a full day. I love my boys but I am with them constantly. Even vacation is continual togetherness since our trips are usually camp trips that include long days and shared sleep space.

And time alone is great but alone togetherness is RJ is even better. I can do all the same things as when I'm solo but I have my favorite person with me if I do feel like companionship.

At first it seemed impossible to carve out any "alone" time. A glance at the calendar showed RJ leaving for Asia for a week, Landon's birthday, Easter, Parker's birthday, etc. But I got creative...and asked for help. My sister and her husband took the kids. RJ's sister and hubby agreed to house swap with us (they have a rad loft-style apartment in Santa Barbara) and I secured late dinner reservations at a non-kid-friendly restaurant we've been wanting to try.

Our time was fabulous.

Quiet, restful, fun.

The perfect bit of "alone" time before a week without the hubby.

How was your weekend?

Have you ever house swapped with a friend/family member? 

It's my new favorite thing - saves you money and is way more comfortable than a hotel. 

The Boy With The Big Personality

If you follow me on Instagram or FB you've already seen this photo, but I just had to use it again because it perfectly captures my Parker's personality. 

Parker's personality is BIG. 

It's expressive, and loud, and busy, and engaging, and hilarious. 

The kid has such a big personality I'm afraid it's going to swallow me up whole.

Toddlerhood with P is like nothing I've experienced in mothering. 

He's a nonstop tornado.

A whirlwind of activity and conversation.

He can jump from "reading" books (he only scans pictures and refuses to sit still long enough to let me read to him) to playing legos to digging dirt to "helping" sweep in the span of 2 minutes.

He refuses to watch TV for more than 1 minute.

He loves to join me in the bathroom a brush his teeth, unroll toilet paper, "clean" the bathtub, unfold towels and empty lotion bottles. 

I know this is typical toddler behavior but the thing that sets Parker apart is his ability to do it all with such enthusiasm. 

Everything is fun.

Everything's a game.

The world is his oyster.

Until you piss him off.

Then everything is still BIG...

...big frustrations.

Big screams.

Big hits.

Big fat, dramatic crocodile tears.

Followed by big hugs.

Big kisses.

Enormous smiles.

Endless belly laughs.

In the past week Parker has me wavering from wanting to pull my hair out (buckets of dirt carried inside from the garden and emptied all over the living room) to wishing fervently he would never grow up so I can keep his chubby, soft, delicious toddler body snuggled up with me for the rest of my life.

So when you see the #mycrazyparker photos on Instragram laugh along with me, and then - if you don't mind - say a little prayer for my survival.

Manners Month

My kids are hard on their clothes. If it wasn't for OxyClean stain remover I would have to throw out their tees on a regular basis (that stuff is amazing!). A few months ago I realized that Landon was usually ruining his outfits during meal time. Not sitting still in his seat caused spills, using his fingers rather than his fork and then wiping his dirty hands on his pants, and so forth. 

Not only  did my child have dirty pantalones but his table manners were abysmal. 

In an effort to teach our 4 year old boy some manners (and cut down on laundry) I created Manner's Month. 

At the beginning of February RJ and I sat Landon down and explained to him that we wanted him to learn table manners. We talked through what good table manners look like, did some demonstrations, and explained the importance of polite behavior at the table. 

We further explained that he would have one month to learn his table manners. Mom and Dad would help him with reminders, especially at the beginning, but the goal was that he would eat an entire meal with excellent manners by the end of the month.

The reward: A dinner date with mom and dad (no baby brother) at a fancy restaurant. Dessert included!

Mention "dessert" and it's a done deal with Landon.

He was so excited about Manners Month and he learned quickly.

However, in order to make sure the lessons actually stuck it was important that Manner's Month was a full month. That way using his fork and napkin, and not talking with his mouth full, became instinctual.

We did keep the motivation alive by having surprise "ice cream nights" once a week or so if we noticed he had done particularly well that evening. And throughout the month we talked-up the big Date Night. Explained how we would all get dressed-up in our fancy clothes and how it would be super special to be out without Parker.

We celebrated Landon's big achievement last week. 

His excitement and obvious pride just killed me it was so sweet.

We took him to a fishhouse in town (during happy hour to keep costs at bay - he had no idea) and sat at a table with a candle. He politely ordered his own dinner and had lovely manners. 

I love that my husband's fancy clothes include a slouchy beanie!

If you're struggling with terrible table manners like we were I highly recommend Manner's Month. It's a fun, easy was to teach table manners and the end result is enjoyable for everyone!

Growing Up Is Bittersweet

I picked Landon up yesterday and held him in a giant bear hug. As he squeezed back I felt skinny arms and legs, bony elbows, bruised knees and taunt muscles. My eldest son is morphing out from the little years and sprouting into a new stage.

He talks incessantly about his 5th birthday (in April) which causes me to often dwell on it as well. Five is so much older than four. Five is a real kid -  not a baby or toddler anymore. While he can't wait to be five I'm sad and sentimental about it. Yet, I'm excited too. Watching your children grow is such a bittersweet experience.

I really notice the perks of his unavoidable growth this weekend. We went hiking with friends and he easily charged up the mountain. He didn't whine or complain; instead he relished the challenge and pushed himself through the tough spots - enjoying the pride of accomplishment at the end.  RJ and I found him to be a delightful hiking companion.

Also, later that day RJ and I had to load out big box bike into the van. It's not an easy task and requires five full minutes of careful attention, so we put Landon in charge of Parker. After we settled them in a safe spot we instructed Landon to watch Parker carefully. Landon did a great job keeping a close eye on his brother - even herding him back to their zone when P tried to walk away. As he grows it's exciting to watch his sense of responsibility develop.

More difficult to watch is the influx of emotions that comes with age. That same day we stumbled upon a drum circle down near the Santa Barbara beach. Parker who doesn't yet struggle with feelings of embarrassment or self-doubt - the beauty of being a young toddler (I do realize some toddlers are shy but I feel that is different) - marched right into the circle and started to dance. Landon, however, has started experiencing those emotions. I could tell he wanted to join the circle but he wouldn't until coaxed (a year ago he would have bounced right in). He felt self-doubt and nervousness.

We also had a very emotional morning a few weeks ago. At first I couldn't figure out why he was so upset but eventually, after sitting down and getting him to open up, discovered he was worried the kids at school were going to laugh at the picture he had drawn. My heart broke in a million pieces. I hate that he would feel that way already; but I also know it's unavoidable.

Which is why I'm finding that is some ways parenting gets easier. Landon has better self-control now than as a toddler, he's a great conversationalist, he sleeps well, he's fun to do things with, helpful around the house, etc. But on the flip side raising him is also getting harder. Dealing with hurt feelings, self-doubt, comparisons, envy, anger, injustice...these are big emotions are much more difficult to navigate.

I miss Landon's chunky cheeks and dimpled baby hands, yet I love his wide-mouthed grin, freckled nose and skateboard scraped knees. Thank goodness I have 500 billion photos of him so on those days his growing up is bitter I can go back and relive the little years. But, as we sit down to chat about his day or I listen to him play with a friend or help his brother shoot a basket I'm finding that it's okay my baby is growing up - because he really is so very, very sweet.

Intentional Living - Month 1

You may remember that instead of a New Years Resolution I chose a word for the year: Intentional. 

My goal is to be intentional in all aspects of my life; focusing on particulars each month. For January I wanted to be intentional with my mornings.

I don't wake up quickly - I'm one of those people that needs to ease into the day. My beautiful children, on the other hand, wake up early and ready to embrace life! Landon jumps out of bed with an enthusiasm that, frankly, seems somewhat wrong - no one should be that energetic before the sun rises. Thankfully Parker sleeps in a bit longer but once he is awake he is ready to seize the day - starting with an enormous made-to-order breakfast.

Before being intentional to wake-up earlier than my kids I would Landon as my alarm clock. He would wake me up by standing right next to my bed, breathing in my face, and (loudly) asking: "MOM, what's for breakfast? MOM, can I have your iphone? What are we doing today? Do I get to go to school today? Can I have a snack?"

Needless to say I often started off the day grumpy; and nasty, negative, and irritable with my kids. When mom starts the morning off that way often the entire day goes that way (or at least the first few hours). I knew I needed to change my habits and rise before my children.

At first it was tough (Oh how I love sleep) but the reward of a quiet morning to myself kept me motivated. After one full month of practice (I do give myself the occasional sleep-in day) I can honestly say that I prefer my quiet morning alone to my extra hour of Zzzzzs. Those mornings I am tempted to roll over and head back into dreamland I remind myself how nice it is to have a quiet room, a hot beverage, my Bible, time to check my email, read blogs, prep breakfast and suddenly it's so much easier to throw off the covers.

Plus, now I great my kids in the morning with a kiss and a smile.

Not to mention I've experienced some incredible sunrises and sweet time with Jesus. This is one of those changes in my life I look forward to holding onto.

For February I'll be focusing my health

Friday Favorites - When RJ's Away

When I'm on my own there are a few things that I appreciate more than ever:

- Netflix and their endless supply of children's cartoons

- Landon's light-up alarm clock that keeps him in bed in the mornings until whatever time I choose to program it for

- Our Starbucks espresso machine

- Trader Joe's frozen meals...fairly healthy, delicious, and ready in about 8 minutes

- My Mom and Sister visiting

- Living in a neighborhood where we can step out our front door and find a friend to play with in under a minute

- Southern California weather that allows us to enjoy the beach, bike rides, camping, the skate park, etc. all year long

- Usually I dislike the shorter days of winter but an early sunset sure helps a Mama convince her 4 year old it's bedtime at only 6:30pm

- Daddy. His absence helps me  re-appreicate just how wonderful my man is as a husband and a father

Hurry home RJ; we miss you! 

Xx

Weekend Highlights - Mom Takes Us Camping

It's just the boys and I for the next 12 days.

RJ is working testing product (i.e. surfing) in Baja, Mexico.

(His life is tough.)

Thankfully my mom and sister are headed into town on Wednesday to help offer some relief.

But until then there are 5 days to fill so I kicked-off our solo stretch with an overnight camp trip.

A big group of buddies grabbed some camp sites at El Capitan last Friday night. The boys and I got there Saturday morning and immediately hit the beach for hours of sunshine and fun. Then it was bike rides, sunset walks, scooter races, dutch-over lasagna, marshmallows, campfires, and laughs.

The best part of this photo is the background

Parker really loves his friends

And so do I

Things I learned about camping without RJ:

- There is so much to pack when you're packing alone!

- My friends are crazy amazing. People pitched in to watch my kids, help me with the van, dish me a plate of food while I fed my boys, and even fetch buckets of hot water from the bathroom so I could rinse my filthy rug-rats. 

- I could do it completely alone (no friends/just me and the kids) but why would I ever want to. Maybe when they're older. But it is nice knowing that I really think I could manage solo if I had to.

- My kids are good campers. They've done it so much they're pros at this point.

- We had a blast; but it's always more fun with Dad.

Babysitters

A really good babysitter is hard to find. 

Actually, when my friends or I find a new one we sometimes hoard her contact info; keeping it in our circle and giving it away only in desperate situations with the promise "please don't give this to anyone else." 

Daytime babysitters are even more rare and therefore tenfold as valuable. 

I have two home-schooled, responsible, trustworthy gals in my pocket and I adore them.

And I will do just about anything to keep them coming back.

Can you put a price on keeping this cuteness from harms way?

But, it has come to my attention lately that babysitting is a very lucrative business. 

I think I have mentioned this in a blog post before, but I am blown away by home much babysitters are paid. Even when accounting for inflation it seems that today's babysitters make much more money per hour than I did as a teen. In college I made a bit more money, but I also picked-up kids from school, drove them around town, took them swimming and biking, etc. I wasn't just sitting in a living room at 10pm watching TV while the kids slept. 

Somedays, I think I may want to be a babysitter myself. I would love to eat frozen pizza, tuck a few squirmy kids into bed and then read a book for a few hours --all while making fifty bucks!

Monday morning friends and I were sitting at the beach discussing the recent raise in rate one of our sitters requested (15 years old and requesting over $10/hour) when one friend shared some great information. She said the key is to lay it all out there right from the beginning. Tell your sitter how much you pay. And even better than that - have a pay scale based on cleaning up the house, putting away dishes, etc. 

For example:

 Tell a new sitter, "I pay $X an hour, but if you clean-up, fold laundry, empty dish-washer, etc then I pay "X+2 per hour"

Additionally, she recommended having a different rate for when kids are sleeping than when they are awake. I've never done this before but it seems like a good idea.

Personally, I also pay based on age.

High School students start at a lower rate than college or post-college students. I just don't see why a high school sophomore should be paid (under-the-table) more than minimum wage (unless they prove themselves to go above and beyond and then I'll consider bumping it up.) 

Now that I've written this post I'm remembering that I did blog something similar recently so obviously it's a hot button topic for me. 

But I really am curious - do you pay more than $10/hour for babysitting? 

Does your rate go down after the kids are sleeping?

Do you pay extra for straightening up the house?

Silly Me

Parker crawled and walked "late"; crawling around 10 months and walking at nearly 16 months. While I was never really worried about him - the doctor said he was perfectly healthy and I knew he would crawl/walk eventually - but I did let his slow progress bother me. You don't realize how how good it feels to have your child perform "ahead of the curve" until they don't. And, I must admit, I found myself making major generalization about Parker based solely on his progress as a walker. I remember telling someone, "I guess Parker just won't be our athletic child." Ha! Well God has taught me something about generalizations, and more importantly, about labeling....don't do it! 

Parker went from crawling, to walking, running and jumping in about a day. Now, at only 19 months old he's an eager, determined little scooter rider. I don't think he heard me make judgements about his athleticism as a baby, but every time he insists on skateboarding or scooting just like his brother, I'm pretty sure he's proving a point, because he's improving at an alarming rate. 

So, silly old me for paying attention to growth charts. 

No one (especially not his own mother) puts my baby in a corner.