I'm heading up north next week to spend some time with my family.

And while I am away I'm going to be attempting doing some work on the blog.

So don't be alarmed if you come by to check for a new post and you get a glaring ERROR message;

I'm probably just screwing something up in the backend and cursing at myself.

The idea is to go "dot com" with a new URL. 

(Because I'm just that big now.)

RJ's never loved that I have my full name in the URL

and since Jessica is in the process of creating a new banner for me (hooray!) I figured

it was a good time to switch the URL as well.

But don't worry (b/c I know the idea of not being able to get to my blog causes major anxiety in your life) IF I do everything correctly when you type in the 

annahosking.blogspot you will be magically linked up to the new site.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with pictures of my adorable child who told me this today:

Mommy: "Landon, you are the best!"

Landon, in all seriousness: "yah."

And who I caught both in the chocolate chip bag yesterday and chomping from the plate of cookies first thing this morning. 

He's so much like his mother.

My Heart for Adoption - part 2

Thursday night I was awake from 2-5am, my mind racing with worries, fears, and anticipation.

The motivations I wrote about in the previous post are completely true. But motivation and emotion don't always go hand-in-hand; sometimes they really oppose each other. Like running for example. More often than not the emotional part of me is dragging my feet to the door dreading the huffing, puffing, sweaty, red nastiness that is about to ensue; but, the ability to keep up with Landon at the playground, and having a butt that doesn't wobble, motivate me to lace up my sneakers.

I am genuinely motivated to build our family through adoption. My heart honestly yearns for these children, and I am incredibly excited to bring them home. But lately I have found my emotions aren't always as sweet as my motivations. Having never been a worrier I'm surprised at just how much there is to worry about.

I worry about Landon. I worry about health problems. I worry about my marriage, and the stresses involved with numerous children in our home. My abilities as a mother. Being a biracial family and making sure I handle things properly. I worry about the finances. Having proper responses to the stares in the supermarket. And so forth.

But I know that God has called our family on this journey. I know that every decision we have made thus far has been guided by Him. So I cling to this, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength," Philippians 4:13.  Because if God called you to it, then He will give you the strength to get through.

And I thank my pastor for this:

http://realitymessages.com/audio/20110116-The_Joy_of_Gospel_Thoughts_and_Peace-32kbps.mp3
(If you have ever suffered from worry or anxiety I encourage you to listen to this sermon. SO good)

However, in the past I have found that fear is actually quite different than worry. A bit of healthy fear is probably a good thing. For example, I really wanted to move out and go to college, but when my parents left me in the concrete cell dorm and drove away I was freaking out inside. Weeks before our wedding I got a major case of cold feet. Cold, shivering feet. It only lasted a moment, but it was real. And when pregnant with Landon I had to talk myself off the edge a few times. Reminding myself that God was creating Landon in my womb, so no matter what happened he would be born perfect in God's eyes. In my opinion, when you are facing a huge life change the absence of healthy fear is actually scarey. Because, it means that you might not truly understand the gravity of what is happening. The weight of the impending life change.  So please pray that I won't turn that fear into worry, by dwelling and stewing, but instead that I will put everything at the feet of the Lord and trust Him completely.

My Heart for Adoption - part 1

I've heard it described as "the adoption gene;" when adoption is something you've considered for as long as you can remember. Besides a brief stint of time when I didn't want children at all, I've always been drawn to adoption. But being interested and supportive of adoption sure is quite a bit different than actually brining an orphaned child into your family.

It was after the birth of Landon that I really felt God calling our family to adopt. God's instruction to care for the orphan, and His prompting in our lives, is the ultimate reason we decided to pursue adoption. However, my heart is pulled towards adoption for reasons even beyond faith.

There are 4.5 million orphans in Ethiopia alone. That's nearly five million children in one tiny country without a mom or dad to tuck them in at night. Five million children that don't have clothes or toys or even a bed to call their own. Five million children without much of a future to look forward to.

My dinning room table seats six. Three seats are full, but why wouldn't I offer an empty seat (or two) to one of those children? A child desperate for a family to call his/her own. Should I refuse them a place at my table because it's uncomfortable for me? Because it costs too much money (I have serious beef with this excuse)? Should I deny her a life of love and family because I don't want to rock the boat? Or face unforeseen challenges?

I'm offering orphaned children a place at my table because I love them. Because my mother heart aches for them, wants to cuddle them and to call them my own. I can not change five million lives, but I can make a difference in one, or two.

However, I hate the idea that people might think I'm "saving" a child. There is no "saving" an orphan. His/her life is rooted in tragedy. They have seen more tragedy in a few years than I have seen in my lifetime. God holds these children in His hand. He is the only one that can save, not I. But, if anyone besides God is doing any saving this child is saving me. Saving me from a life of self-indulgence and regret because I knew and never did anything.

I know adoption isn't for every family. And I would never judge a family for only having biological children or no children at all. But if the tables were turned, if the USA was suddenly poverty stricken and we were without proper medical treatment, and my Landon was left without a mother and father. Without a family to care for him or food to eat wouldn't I want someone to reach out a hand to him? To love him and care for him. To give him a family. And allow him a life where he is defined by Who he is rather than What he is.

And the real truth is that I just love being called "Mama." So if they come via stork, forceps, painful grunts, or African airlines, I don't really care. I just want them home with me, eating at my table.

Oh Anthro

In the name of saving money 

I've been trying to avoid buying new clothes.

I'm proud to report: "I am 20 days shopping free and counting."

But Landon's taking an enormously long nap today (praise you Lord for long naps!) and the newest Anthropologie email was too tempting. I gave in and looked. Oh yum. I love you anthro.

This is called the Every Saturday shirt.
Ummm, I think if it was hanging in my closet it would end up being the Every Single day shirt

Can you ever have too many stripes?

yes, please

I'm sure I would look like a clown
but how badly do I want to be able to pull these off!

CUTE

mustard yellow flowers & drapey arms? I'm in

Someone please buy some of these delicious pieces so that I can live vicariously through you.

Or better yet, if you're my sister (I know you read this, April) buy one of these lovely garments so I might "borrow" them from you.

I AM...

- totally and absolutely crazy about this little love nugget

- obsessed with vegetarian meals lately. Just made some amazing dishes

that I'll have to share with you

- soaking up all the January sunshine

- basking in that wonderful sensation of recently finishing a great run

- thinking about racial issues. This year Martin Luther King day stirred up more thoughts 

and feelings than ever before

- knee deep in paperwork but feeling optimistic. Every finished document brings us one step closer to our babies in Africa

- needing a new book recommendation. Just finished "The Forgotten Garden" & "Cutting for Stone" and really enjoyed both of them

- craving chocolate cake and coffee. For no apparent reason

- itching to do some thrifting. It's been a few weeks

(making up ridiculous rhythms) 

- wondering why Love Nugget is yelling from his room instead of napping 

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.

- Martin Luther King Jr.

Getting Away From It All

After having a complete-and-utter meltdown last week, (it was so ugly RJ had to escort me outside to get a breath of fresh air) I decided to take a mini-break. RJ headed up to Bishop to do some fishing with his man friends, and Landon and I journeyed out of town for a Mommy/Son trip.

My parents have a condo in San Luis Obispo so little man and I packed the car with Trader Joe's snacks, Mr. Potato head, and the jogging stroller for a weekend away from it all.

Can I just tell you that when I get away from the house - where I'm constantly distracted by messes to clean, laundry to do, and the internet - I enjoy my son so much more. I love motherhood; and I love hanging out with Landon. Him and I have a blast together. But, too often my attention is split between Landon and a huge "to-do" list.

It was so refreshing to get away from all the distractions and just focus on my boy. I needed to get my mind off of adoption paperwork. I needed to enjoy my son. To stop worrying about discipline and behavior and have fun with him. When I get too caught up in his behavior, rather than bonding and tying heart-strings with him, I start a downward spiral of thinking. I begin over-emphasizing his naughtiness. And then I take his natural rebellion personally. I worry about my skills as a mother; and I question my ability to parent him - let alone any more children. It just goes downhill from there.

I've found that I am particularly hard on myself lately. I think it's because we are in the process of growing our family and I'm feeling both nervous and inadequate (and excited too. Too many emotions! No wonder I had a mini-melt down).

All that to stay: while behavior is important, and it is my responsibility to teach Landon to respect authority and curb his naughtiness, it is even more important that I sometimes take a step back and look at the big picture. He's only going to be this age once. And I'm only going to have these times where it's just him and I for a little bit longer. So I need to cherish this stage, take time to away from it all, and have fun together.

So we went out to coffee. Played in the fountain. Enjoyed the park. Ate treats! Played with friends. Snuggled and watched a movie. Had a picnic. Shook out booties in a rockin' dance party. Soaked up the sunshine. And enjoyed a weekend full of giggles.

Growing Family

"God sets the lonely in families."

I've started, erased, and restarted this blog post nearly six times now. I know exactly what I want to say but I'm not certain how to say it. So, instead of trying to sound eloquent I'm just going to put my heart on the line and tell you:

RJ and I are adopting from Ethiopia. 

We are hoping to adopt young siblings (younger than Landon), and we are currently a bit more than a month into the process. We're in the part called "the paper-chase". The paperwork is all consuming but should be done with in about three to four months, from there we are estimating that our children will be home anywhere between 12-18 months later.

I have so much I want to share with you all. How our family came to this place. Why we chose Ethiopia. The simultaneous feelings of excitement and nervousness that continually permeates my gut.  How much I already love these children. Things that I can't wait to write about and process through. 

But for now I just want to share our news with all my friends. RJ and I are incredibly excited about the path the Lord has put our family on. And we can't wait to share this journey with you. We do ask that you would please, please pray for us. It is bound to be an emotional, difficult journey and we covet your your prayers.

I've wrestled with whether or not to allow comments and I am going to go ahead and keep them open, because this news is a cause for celebration! However, I do know that some of you might not understand our decision or have concerns. I'm hoping to answer many of your questions in further blog posts. However, if you have a pressing question please feel free to email it to me. Thanks.

Glancing Behind

Trying to soak in a bit of sunshine Landon and I went on a quick walk this afternoon.

You would like that being 26.5 years older I would be the one teaching him new things. Instead, it seems I'm always two-steps behind, running to catch-up as I marvel at his growth.

What I thought would be a quick "bike ride" up and down our block turned into a natural adventure. As Landon bailed off his bike to show my flowers, rocks and leaves. Naming things and pointing out colors that I hadn't realized he knew.

My baby isn't a baby anymore. I love this new little man in my life. He's intelligent and adventurous and funny! But there is a chunk of my heart, the sentimental ooey-gooey mommy section, that will always be glancing backwards, wondering where my tiny baby went.

Christmas 2010

It's 8am and I'm listening to Landon play with one of his favorite Christmas toys, an incredibly obnoxious fun ABC train that sings and shouts the abc's in Spanish and English.(Between "Go Deigo Go" and dual language toys it looks like I might be finally learning Espanol after all.) And although Christmas was more than a week ago it was too lovely a day not to commemorate with a blog post.

For the first time we stayed home for Christmas. It was lovely to be in our own space and not be exhausted from making the rounds to all the relatives. My parents and my sister joined us early on Christmas eve and Landon was beside himself with all the excitement. I have to admit, I was too. Knowing how much Landon would enjoy opening gifts, new toys, and having his parents, grandparents and aunt around all day to play with him, had me more excited for Christmas morning that I've been in probably 20 years. Landon and I actually woke everyone up at 6 a.m.! The anticipation was just too great.

It was such a fun morning. L really didn't have that many gifts, and yet he didn't finish opening them until 4pm just because he was so overwhelmed and overstimulated he had to take multiple naps throughout the day. RJ got me the most wonderful pair of boots that deserve a blog post all on their own. And as usual, my mom outdid herself showering out family with lovely things.

But more than the gifts I really enjoyed being in my own home surrounded by those I love most. I felt strangely grown-up as I prepared Christmas dinner and set the table with my grandmother's china. My heart warmed watching my mother snuggle Landon in front of a movie and my father take him on a tricycle ride around our front driveway. How I enjoyed sipping wine and laughing with my sister who I don't get to see near enough, and I was so proud to be forever linked to a man who prayed at our table with incredible leadership and conviction. It was a beautiful day to celebrate the birth of Christ.

Hello 2011!!

Happy New Year Friends!

Last night we brought in the New Year asleep in our beds. WhoooHeee! But we did make it up until 10:30pm having a lovely dinner with friends. This morning RJ took little man on a long walk so I could sleep in and I spent some time reflecting on 2010. The year Two-thousand-and-ten will be forever marked as a year of growth for our family. Landon went from crawling to walking, gibbering to talking. I graduated from keeping our son warm, fed, and alive to full-feldged Mom - with responsibilities to teach values, manners, spirituality and obedience. And RJ transitioned from surfer to valued member of the "local" Crusties that hang out and hold court over the beach (and responsibly teaching parent too, of course). 2010 also marked a huge years of spiritual growth. God took hold of our hearts like never before and has started a radical transformation in us: totally exciting and completely freaky.

But now its 2011. A decade since I packed my bags, said good-bye to Grass Valley, and headed out "on my own". I can't believe it's been ten years since the Pomp and Circumstance march of maroon and grey. Ten years since my parents kissed my good-bye in a parking lot 350 miles from home, and watched as I shuffled back to my 10 foot cube knowing not a soul to comfort me. Ten years filled professors, friendships, college crazies, a wonderful man, a wedding, globe trotting, a new town, home ownership, first jobs, careers, loss, pregnancy, and a beautiful son. 

I know 2011 will bring more adventures; and I'm excited to share them with all my blog friends! So stay tuned as I work on revamping the look of the blog (once again!) and prepare to share some new developments happening in our little world. 

Meanwhile I present to you: 11 Goals for 2011 

(some are repeats since they didn't quite happen in 2010 and some
are also on my 33 before 33 list)

1. Make something out of Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I've spent a year admiring the front cover. It's time to crack it open.

2. Sent more handwritten notes for no reason except to say Hello 

3. Use the china and the silver more than once a year

4. Read through the entire Bible. It's about time.

5. Learn to sew. And more specifically, sew a quilt. 

6. Redecorate Landon's room now that he's no longer a baby.

7. Read at least 3 new pieces of classic literature. I have a tendency to always pick up the hot new bestseller rather than taking in the classics. 

8. Go on a trip (big or small) with my husband and no child.

9. Go to the beach more often. It's right here and I don't take advantage near enough.

Along with that - surf more than 3x this year.

10. Do a Park Tour of Ventura with Landon. 

11. Eat more fruits and vegetables at breakfast and lunch. Dinner is covered but I tend to forget the veggies before 5pm.

What are you planning to do this next year?