what really matter

The past few weeks I've really felt as though Landon and I are a ranging ocean storm. And he's the wind and I'm the waves; or maybe I'm the waves and he's the wind. Either way the two of us together is creating turbulence, white caps, and drowning victims. (Actually, I'm the drowning victim.)


I don't know if it's because he's cutting all four 2-year old molars at once.

Or if it's because he is 2-years-old.

Or if he's a particularly strong willed child (I have no one to compare him too so I'm not completely sure).

Or maybe something is just wrong with me. I mean - there is only ONE of him - so how hard should it be??? Friend are always warning me how much harder it gets when there are two or more; and women have multiple children all the time; so why do I sometimes feel like I'm sinking to the depths of the sea and I'm being strangled by 1 tiny, two-year old piece of sea kelp?

Two days ago, after a particularly challenging morning, Landon and I were driving to his gym class and in the front seat I was silently suffering a case of negative thoughts:

What am I doing wrong?
Why won't he obey?
Should we even have more children?
Am I failing him?
etc.
etc.
etc.


From the depths of my self-doubt I heard a tiny voice from the backseat.

Mommy?

Yes, Landon.

Jesus loves me.


Yes, Landon.  Jesus loves you very, very, very much. Even more than Mommy and Daddy love you, if you can even image that!

And Mommy loves Jesus.


Yes

And Daddy loves Jesus


Yes

And Landon loves Jesus, too.

My sweet, wonderful, challenging boy

A life preserver in the storm. A rescue boat when lost at sea.

Thank you, Lord. You knew I needed that, didn't you.

He might not put his shirt and shoes on when I ask him. He might run away when I tell him to come. He might require what seems like constant discipline. He might have a terrible little temper and a strong-as-iron will. But you love him. And really, he's no more sinful than me. (actually he's much less sinful.) And you love me too. And we love you. 

And, at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.