7 years ago today
I answered on very big question
with a simple, small answer.
yes
i am thankful daily that he asked
love you, rj
p.s. look at the couple in the background. do they go together or what! they're even standing the same way. hilarious
yes
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
WooooHoooo!! As many of you already saw on my Facebook I now love the wonderful people at immigration! They were so gracious to RJ and I and totally let us come in early this morning and do our fingerprinting.
I was so nervous going in today because I am an absolute rule follower - to the point of ridiculousness - so the idea of trying to upset the system gave me major queasy tummy. And huge armpit sweat stains - thank goodness I wore black! But it turns out that had we waited to be rescheduled we may have never received the correct paperwork, there was something wrong with our initial file and it could have resulted in never getting a new appointment. Praise the Lord that we went in! And thank you SO much for all of you that prayed for us.
Landon and I celebrated with an afternoon date at the new local frozen yogurt shop. He's a huge fan of chocolate with gummy worms and I like the tart flavor with sprinkles. Then we came home and hosed him off in the bath.
I am marveling at how quickly my boys is growing. He will be TWO in just a few short weeks. His personality is blooming before us and it's so fun to watch him come into his own.
I was so nervous going in today because I am an absolute rule follower - to the point of ridiculousness - so the idea of trying to upset the system gave me major queasy tummy. And huge armpit sweat stains - thank goodness I wore black! But it turns out that had we waited to be rescheduled we may have never received the correct paperwork, there was something wrong with our initial file and it could have resulted in never getting a new appointment. Praise the Lord that we went in! And thank you SO much for all of you that prayed for us.
Landon and I celebrated with an afternoon date at the new local frozen yogurt shop. He's a huge fan of chocolate with gummy worms and I like the tart flavor with sprinkles. Then we came home and hosed him off in the bath.
I am marveling at how quickly my boys is growing. He will be TWO in just a few short weeks. His personality is blooming before us and it's so fun to watch him come into his own.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
HaHa! And I thought I would need a reminder to be patient on the Lord six months after my last blog post, not 6 days later.
I am currently hating on the US immigration system. We have to get our children's visas before we can send our dossier to Ethiopia. It's the last thing RJ and I need to collect, and three weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world knowing that I would make my goal and finish our entire dossier in 4 months.
But, of course, our fingerprinting appointment came in the mail two weeks ago (it's a randomly selected date and time that the government assumes you can attend) and both RJ and I were scheduled for the day after we fly out for the east coast. I sent in a request for a new appointment but I haven't head anything since so yesterday I called immigration. Only to be told that 1) they can not assure me that the local office got my request change 2) I can not call the local office because they don't have a public number 3) there is no way for me to check the status of my appointment 4) I may not go down to the local office without an appointment and 5) most often requests for appointment changes takes months.
I am so frustrated with the inefficiency of the system I could scream.
I am trying so hard to yet again commit myself to the Lord's plan and His timing. It's a lesson of being obedient in action and faith even if my emotions haven't yet followed. A tough one for me as I tend to be somewhat emotionally driven (please tell me I'm not alone in this!).
Tomorrow RJ and I are going to try to visit the local office just to see if there is anything else we can do. And if they turn us away then we will just continue waiting...
I am currently hating on the US immigration system. We have to get our children's visas before we can send our dossier to Ethiopia. It's the last thing RJ and I need to collect, and three weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world knowing that I would make my goal and finish our entire dossier in 4 months.
But, of course, our fingerprinting appointment came in the mail two weeks ago (it's a randomly selected date and time that the government assumes you can attend) and both RJ and I were scheduled for the day after we fly out for the east coast. I sent in a request for a new appointment but I haven't head anything since so yesterday I called immigration. Only to be told that 1) they can not assure me that the local office got my request change 2) I can not call the local office because they don't have a public number 3) there is no way for me to check the status of my appointment 4) I may not go down to the local office without an appointment and 5) most often requests for appointment changes takes months.
I am so frustrated with the inefficiency of the system I could scream.
I am trying so hard to yet again commit myself to the Lord's plan and His timing. It's a lesson of being obedient in action and faith even if my emotions haven't yet followed. A tough one for me as I tend to be somewhat emotionally driven (please tell me I'm not alone in this!).
Tomorrow RJ and I are going to try to visit the local office just to see if there is anything else we can do. And if they turn us away then we will just continue waiting...
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
I am so thankful for our adoption agency. With the instability in Ethiopian adoptions these past few weeks it has been a blessing to work with an agency that is committed to both prayer and factual information. Our family coordinator has been so wonderful - answering my questions and being sure not to speculate or sensationalize anything.
I also banned myself from any online adoption groups or article research. Instead I am collecting information merely from our agency and other adopting friends. While some may think I'm being foolish I needed to protect myself from sensationalize news and emotional chat rooms. Somewhat like my decision to avoid Web MD. (Although Web MD's continual threats of death might have actually saved my life when it finally convinced my husband to take me to the ER when I had appendicitis.)
The news we have heard from our agency has been overwhelmingly positive!! It appears as though adoptions will not decrease as dramatically as was first reported. There might still be a slowing down of the process, however, it also seems as though there may be some bureaucratic changes initiated that help the entire system run more smoothly. Time will give us more concrete answers.
Personally I am growing significantly through this challenge. Although it sounds harsh, I am learning to guard my heart a bit more. International adoptions (and domestic adoptions) are risky. Just as pregnancy is risky. And while I won't withhold my love or compassion I am learning how to guard my heart just in case things don't go well.
Also, when it initially looked as though we were going to have to wait much, much longer to bring our babies home RJ and I had to ask ourselves the tough question: Are we going to continue with this? We haven't sent our dossier to ET yet so we could have still backed out without losing quite as much money. However, we reminded each other that God called us down this path, so unless He completely closes the door we will continue onward.
Finally, the biggest lesson for me was getting on my knees and trusting in God's timing and not my own. (SO hard to give up that control!!) I hated the idea of having to wait years to bring our babies home. And I hated the idea of Landon being so much older than his siblings. But then God brought me to the story of Caleb and Joshua. Both men were faithful to God but because of the sin of others they had to wander the desert for 40 years before getting to enjoy the Promised Land. 40 years!! Obviously that wasn't the original timeframe Caleb and Joshau had in mind. And yet God worked all things together for good in His timing. So I must and will trust that He will do the same in my life and my son's life.
(Dear friends, please remind me of this 6 months from now when my patience is cracking yet again.)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The other day RJ and I had dinner with some other adoptive parents to pray about the situation in Ethiopia and discuss some of the financial challenges with international adoption. There were four couples total - ourselves, another couple from our church, our hosts who go to a conservative church in town, and a local pastor and his wife who we had never met before.
The kids were hanging out in our friend's playroom with a babysitter while the adults noshed on burritos and salad in the front. At one point I heard Landon crying so I allowed him to come in to the table with the adults and sit in my lap for awhile.
While we continued our discussion Landon cuddled in lap and nibbled on my burrito. Then, just as the conversation lulled and things got quiet, he pointed to my Hansen's soda and yelled:
"BEER PLEASE MOMMY!"
At least my family never fails to leave an impression.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Last night over a dinner of tortilla soup RJ and I had a passionate* (rather one-sided) discussion regarding the pros and cons of two different grocery stores. Fresh & Easy vs Trader Joes.
The convo peaked at 13-gallon trash bags. One can pick up both hummus and trash bags at Fresh & Easy but not Trader Joes. A worthwhile payoff for harsh lighting and crappy produce?? The debate still rages...
But seriously - this is pretty much all I had to bring to the table last night: grocery story comparisons.
Not to toot my own horn but I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA and got my bachelors degree in less than four years. I read classic literature by choice, (somewhat) understand Shakespeare, and can conquer a pretty decent algebra problem. (Although I do worry about what I'll tell my son when he asks me how the internet works?) And yet, I have been reduced to discussing trash bags rather than economic stimulus packages.
I am careful not to lose myself in the jungle that is motherhood. It's important to me that I do things for myself. I write this blog for creative stimuli, run, read, follow the news, spend time alone with RJ and girlfriends, study my Bible, participate in a book club, cook for fun, and such. Our adoption experience has widen my learning to an entirely new genres. I'm studying phycology, family dynamics, sociology, economics, world politic, radical tensions, etc. And I'm finding this new area of study absolutely fascinating.
But, let's be real, the majority of my time is spend around peanut butter and jelly, matchbox cars, swing sets, and Go Diego Go (one point for learning spanish!). I told RJ that during this phase he shouldn't expect me to bring much more than laundry questions and playground drama to the table most nights. Thankfully he doesn't really mind as he finds laundry questions fascinating (love that my man works in clothes).
Sometimes this bothers me and I see myself as boring or uninteresting, particularly when I'm out with friends who work outside the home. However, for the most part I am able to count my blessings. It's SUCH a privilege to be home with Landon. And why should I care if other people find my days dull - I love getting hundreds of sticky kisses throughout the day. I love going down the slide with a toddler in my lap. And I love reading Dr. Seuss again. I'll trade fun for interesting any day.
*insert sarcastic tone here
The convo peaked at 13-gallon trash bags. One can pick up both hummus and trash bags at Fresh & Easy but not Trader Joes. A worthwhile payoff for harsh lighting and crappy produce?? The debate still rages...
But seriously - this is pretty much all I had to bring to the table last night: grocery story comparisons.
Not to toot my own horn but I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA and got my bachelors degree in less than four years. I read classic literature by choice, (somewhat) understand Shakespeare, and can conquer a pretty decent algebra problem. (Although I do worry about what I'll tell my son when he asks me how the internet works?) And yet, I have been reduced to discussing trash bags rather than economic stimulus packages.
I am careful not to lose myself in the jungle that is motherhood. It's important to me that I do things for myself. I write this blog for creative stimuli, run, read, follow the news, spend time alone with RJ and girlfriends, study my Bible, participate in a book club, cook for fun, and such. Our adoption experience has widen my learning to an entirely new genres. I'm studying phycology, family dynamics, sociology, economics, world politic, radical tensions, etc. And I'm finding this new area of study absolutely fascinating.
But, let's be real, the majority of my time is spend around peanut butter and jelly, matchbox cars, swing sets, and Go Diego Go (one point for learning spanish!). I told RJ that during this phase he shouldn't expect me to bring much more than laundry questions and playground drama to the table most nights. Thankfully he doesn't really mind as he finds laundry questions fascinating (love that my man works in clothes).
Sometimes this bothers me and I see myself as boring or uninteresting, particularly when I'm out with friends who work outside the home. However, for the most part I am able to count my blessings. It's SUCH a privilege to be home with Landon. And why should I care if other people find my days dull - I love getting hundreds of sticky kisses throughout the day. I love going down the slide with a toddler in my lap. And I love reading Dr. Seuss again. I'll trade fun for interesting any day.
*insert sarcastic tone here
Friday, March 11, 2011
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| Photos by Hervey Photo |
These adorable pics are just a teaser for the video my friend Kat
created to celebrate our fun in the mud.
Cuteness overload here.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I've never really celebrated Mardi Gras. By the time I ended up at Cal Poly the city had started to put the smack down on the Mardi Gras party. Since a few college die-hards refused to let the "Biggest West Coast Mardi Gras" title die there were some after-shock parties. But I knew my boyfriend (now husband) wouldn't be thrilled with me bead collecting, and I wasn't so sure the boys were going to dish out many strands for my girls anyways, so I missed out on the green, gold and purple.
But friends invited us over for jambalaya yesterday (yum!) and thinking it was a Fat Tuesday theme (apparently she hadn't actually realized it was Fat Tuesday) I googled "New Orleans Mardi Gras desserts" and found this recipe.
Landon was insistent that he "help".
He got to lick the whipped cream spoon.
And he stuck his hand into the bag of powdered sugar - that was a big hit!
I'm always telling my girlfriends that this isn't my favorite age. But moments like this make me change my mind. I want to cherish every second.
p.s. the pie was SOOOO good. I had two slices and RJ ate so many he had to go lie down.
p.s.s. if you aren't totally sick of adoption stuff by now there is a really good article here that expresses many of my thoughts and options on the subject
But friends invited us over for jambalaya yesterday (yum!) and thinking it was a Fat Tuesday theme (apparently she hadn't actually realized it was Fat Tuesday) I googled "New Orleans Mardi Gras desserts" and found this recipe.
Landon was insistent that he "help".
He got to lick the whipped cream spoon.
And he stuck his hand into the bag of powdered sugar - that was a big hit!
I'm always telling my girlfriends that this isn't my favorite age. But moments like this make me change my mind. I want to cherish every second.
p.s. the pie was SOOOO good. I had two slices and RJ ate so many he had to go lie down.
p.s.s. if you aren't totally sick of adoption stuff by now there is a really good article here that expresses many of my thoughts and options on the subject
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Our weekend was absolutely lovely. On Saturday morning we loaded the boy and our camping gear into the truck and drove north of Santa Barbara in search of sand and sun.
RJ borrowed our friends two stand-up paddles boards and we were blessed with seventy degree weather. Strapping a pink lifejacket onto Landon we plopped him on the front of RJ's board and the three of us took to the waves. The water was FRIGID so I had a feeling the poor boy wouldn't last very long - it keep lapping up over the sides of the board all over him. But just as I was about to call it, and head back to the beach, a seal lion surfaced mere feet from Landon's face. Sea Lions are one of the featured animals in his favorite book "Panda Bear Panda Bear What Do You See" so he was delighted and the cold forgotten. Now whenever we ask him if he went "surfing" he vigorously shakes his head yes and shouts SEA LION over and over again.
We ate hot dogs and mac n cheese for dinner and used RJ's down parka as Landon's sleeping bag. The night was nearly ruined when a group of sixteen people pulled a RV into the empty site nest to us and started blasting mariachi music. Thankfully my husband politely explained that our two-year old needed a relative amount of quiet if there was any chance he was going to sleep in a tent and our neighbors turned off the tunes.
I was so thankful to be out of town and enjoying my family this weekend. Otherwise I would have spent the entire time moping around my house heavy with anxiety and worry. On Saturday, before we left, I decided to check my online community. An article was thrown into my face from our adoption yahoo group - The Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs (MOWA) in Ethiopia is threatening to significantly reduce adoptions. Upon hearing this news my heart plummeted and I choked on my tears. I was devastated for the children, other adopting families, and honestly, for myself and our family.
I thought one of the advantages of adoption was no pregnancy heartburn. I was very wrong.
Since Saturday we have had more concrete information from our adoption agency. Things are unstable in Ethiopia right now, but not to the degree in which I first thought (and that article first sensationalized). Adoption advocates are calling for prayer as MOWA and the courts continue to meet regarding the future of Ethiopian adoption. Many in Ethiopia are pro-adoption; however, and rightly so, there are concerns regarding child trafficking. However, with 5 million orphans in a country only twice the size of Texas, it is my prayer that a reasonable solution be found to prevent the tragedy of unethical adoptions without sacrificing care of the institutionalized children who desperately long for families.
Through this all I have begun to truly understand how much of our adoption is completely out of my control. And that it isn't about me at all. Adoption is about a child who needs a family. Not about a mother who wants a child. Through God's grace both hearts are blessed, but the motivation must be purely about loving a hurting child. I am learning how to trust in the Lord with our family and with my heart. Easy words to say but difficult words to live. Throughout these past few days I have found myself pressing into Jesus. He continually reminds me that He works all things together for good for those who love him. But just when I seem to lay my fears at His feet - just when I sink into his peace - I seem to pick them up again.
Please join me in praying for Ethiopia.
RJ borrowed our friends two stand-up paddles boards and we were blessed with seventy degree weather. Strapping a pink lifejacket onto Landon we plopped him on the front of RJ's board and the three of us took to the waves. The water was FRIGID so I had a feeling the poor boy wouldn't last very long - it keep lapping up over the sides of the board all over him. But just as I was about to call it, and head back to the beach, a seal lion surfaced mere feet from Landon's face. Sea Lions are one of the featured animals in his favorite book "Panda Bear Panda Bear What Do You See" so he was delighted and the cold forgotten. Now whenever we ask him if he went "surfing" he vigorously shakes his head yes and shouts SEA LION over and over again.
We ate hot dogs and mac n cheese for dinner and used RJ's down parka as Landon's sleeping bag. The night was nearly ruined when a group of sixteen people pulled a RV into the empty site nest to us and started blasting mariachi music. Thankfully my husband politely explained that our two-year old needed a relative amount of quiet if there was any chance he was going to sleep in a tent and our neighbors turned off the tunes.
I was so thankful to be out of town and enjoying my family this weekend. Otherwise I would have spent the entire time moping around my house heavy with anxiety and worry. On Saturday, before we left, I decided to check my online community. An article was thrown into my face from our adoption yahoo group - The Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs (MOWA) in Ethiopia is threatening to significantly reduce adoptions. Upon hearing this news my heart plummeted and I choked on my tears. I was devastated for the children, other adopting families, and honestly, for myself and our family.
I thought one of the advantages of adoption was no pregnancy heartburn. I was very wrong.
Since Saturday we have had more concrete information from our adoption agency. Things are unstable in Ethiopia right now, but not to the degree in which I first thought (and that article first sensationalized). Adoption advocates are calling for prayer as MOWA and the courts continue to meet regarding the future of Ethiopian adoption. Many in Ethiopia are pro-adoption; however, and rightly so, there are concerns regarding child trafficking. However, with 5 million orphans in a country only twice the size of Texas, it is my prayer that a reasonable solution be found to prevent the tragedy of unethical adoptions without sacrificing care of the institutionalized children who desperately long for families.
Through this all I have begun to truly understand how much of our adoption is completely out of my control. And that it isn't about me at all. Adoption is about a child who needs a family. Not about a mother who wants a child. Through God's grace both hearts are blessed, but the motivation must be purely about loving a hurting child. I am learning how to trust in the Lord with our family and with my heart. Easy words to say but difficult words to live. Throughout these past few days I have found myself pressing into Jesus. He continually reminds me that He works all things together for good for those who love him. But just when I seem to lay my fears at His feet - just when I sink into his peace - I seem to pick them up again.
Please join me in praying for Ethiopia.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
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| Thanks to some friends who have gone through the process ahead of us here's my adoption reading library. I'm thinking I might as well get my master's in social work - it might be less reading! |
I've always been afraid to admit that I would like to raise a little girl. I felt that somehow by admitting I would love to have a daughter I felt as though I was being disloyal to my son.
My dad has two daughters, and I remember as a little girl wondering if he wished one of us was a boy. Not because of anything he did or said but because that's what popular culture seemed to tell me - mommy's want little girls and daddy's want little boys. But my father always assured me he loved having girls. I very clearly remember him telling me that he had always wanted daughters, that he had grown up with younger brothers and thought it would be fun to have little girls in his life for a change. I grew-up secure that my dad loved everything about his little girls - the pink, the tea parties, barbie dolls, prom dresses, etc. Once assured that he had wanted and desired me more than any boy I never wondered if he secretly wished he had a boy to play ball with rather than a girl to play princesses. I was absolutely secure in his desire for me.
I LOVE having a boy. Not having any brothers I was incredibly excited when I learned we were having a boy-child and I would get a front-row seat into the world of men. It's been thrilling watching Landon's masculinity develop. The noises this kid can make when "driving" a truck! And never before did I know there were quite so many different varieties of tractors and construction trucks - cranes, excavators, diggers, etc. - the list is quite impressive.
But there is the part of me that lingers next to the pink tu-tus in baby Gap. And this adoption had brought all of my buried feelings about desiring a girl to the surface. Adoption is unique in that you have a choice in the gender of your child. It's a strange decision and quite honestly it felt a bit unnatural to me. I always assumed that if we adopted we wouldn't specify the gender of our child. However, thinking about the process and actually being in the process is quite different.
Also, by not choosing we would actually be choosing. In Ethiopia female infants are requested more often than males, so if we were to leave the gender field blank we would most likely be placed with a boy. RJ and I were really torn-up about this decision and we spend tons of time in prayer. We also sought counsel from other adoptive parents and pastors from our church. And during this process I finally gave away to my fear and admitted that I would love to have a baby girl.
But I worried that Landon would overhear me admitting my desire. I know he's only two but what if he remembered? What if he heard me say that I would like to have a daughter and he felt less desired? Or what if my admitting to wanting a girl caused him to feel that mommy likes girls better than boys? It's amazing how negative thoughts can consume you. And then the Lord whispered in my ear:
I place desires in your heart. I know you and I love you. Do not live life and make decisions from a place of fear. If you love and cherish your son he will know it. Fear is not from Me.
Those sweet reminders from the Lord have lifted such a weight from my shoulders. We are not called to make decisions from a place of fear and worry. He has placed a desire for a daughter on my heart. And the desire for a daughter does not in any way lessen my desire for my son. What freedom!
Once I was able to open my heart and confess my desire the decision making was so much easier. RJ and I felt a unified peace. Since the greatest desire of our heart is for two children we have agreed to keep the gender open for two children - boys or girls.
So there could be three little boys in my future - bring it! I love dirt and baseball.
However, if the Lord only has one child for us then we feel as though a baby girl is the best fit for our family. And not just because I would like a girl but the best for RJ, Landon and our daughter as well - the best for the four of us.
What freedom I feel knowing that it's okay for me to ask the Lord for a daughter. He already knows my heart and I should not feel ashamed or fearful of my desires. He knows our family and I have absolute trust in my God. He will place the perfect little person or persons in our home. Be it Ethiopian prince or princess.
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| If we are blessed with a daughter I think this book might come in handy! |
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
~ I've been processing and journaling so much during my quiet times lately that I don't feel as though I have much left for the blog. Sorry for my slacking lately
~ We had such a great weekend last week: wine with friends, a celebratory dinner in Ojai for a buddy's new job, family bike rides to farmer's market and to church, date night, and my first book club meeting
~ We read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Super fun little book.
~ Our friend from college, Matt, just moved to V-town and lives a few blocks away. He volunteered to watch Landon for us on Sunday night. L's always been okay when left with the babysitter but this was the first time he actually pushed us out the door. "Bye Mommy. Bye Daddy. BYE!". I think he likes Uncle Matt.
~ Little dude is finally saying "Wuv You" all on his own without any cajoling. Last night RJ got a "Wuv You Wats Daddy." M-E-L-T-S my heart.
~ I sent off our I600A to Immigration and it arrived Monday. Please pray that it is processed quickly!!!
~ I also booked my ticket to Denver for the last weekend in April. I am so excited to go visit my dear friend Kelly. We already have such a great weekend planned and it's still two months away: reuniting with another college girlfriend, happy hour(s), watching the Royal Wedding while eating scones, and a run in Wash. park. Waaaahooooo!
~ Speaking of running I've been faithfully following my half marathon training plan for nearly two weeks. I haven't felt this good in years. My energy is up and my body is aching in that good sore way
~ If only my neighbor wasn't a girl scout - then I could really say I'm on the way to health and fitness. It's cookie season. RJ devoured an entire box of Thin Mints by himself in two days. Someone posed this question on Facebook the other day and I think it's worth sharing:
Thin Mint cookies: best girl scout cookies OR best cookies?
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