Time Out from 25 Things

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I haven't ran out of things to be thankful for I just felt the urge to write out some of my thoughts regarding baby boys and girls. 

Over the past few years God has really been tugging on my heart regarding orphans. No, the Hosking family is not adopting. And we don't have any plans to adopt in the future (if God steers us that way we are happy to go there, but He hasn't as of yet). However, I've been burdened for the fatherless (and motherless) children - all 147 Million of them - and feel as though God is steering me to somehow love and help these children. (The how part still remains to be figured out.) 

That being said I've been reading more orphan-centered blogs, books and attending events such as Voice of the Orphan.  And my ever-so-supportive husband has been coming along as well. So orphans and adoption have been points of discussion in our home and among our friends lately. And yesterday, RJ and I were discussing what I will call "the adoption gender issue."

If one chooses to adopt a child is it okay for them to choose the gender?

This question hinges on whether or not you believe in God and have faith that He has ultimate control of your life. God doesn't allow us to choose the gender of our biological children. Therefore, why should we be allowed to chose the gender of our adopted children?

Now, I'll admit I am somewhat sitting on the fence with this issue. If someone has a good argument for being "allowed" to choose a boy or a girl in adoption I would love to hear it? (So if we ever do adopt I can request a girl!). But at this point in time my gut instinct tells me we should allow God to decide through the adoption agency/current needs. He knows what's best for our family. So shouldn't He be given the ultimate authority?

However, God also gives us the freedom/responsibility to make decisions based on what is best for our family. I know a family that's considering adoption that has two girls, obviously it would be nice for them to have boys. Or a family with two boys and a girl - that little girl would love a sister. So is choosing the gender of the adopted child one of these responsible parenting decisions?

You tell me....

7 comments:

Erin said...

I agree with you completely. I love what you said... God doesn't allow us to choose the gender of our biological children so why should we choose the gender of our adopted children.

I want to adopt. I've wanted to since Lane and I first got married over 8 years ago. I knew we'd have babies but I felt that one day we'd adopt.-

When and if we go through the whole process I want God to bring us the right little person... boy or girl. I know he knows who is best for our little family. I know that I can trust him with that.

Jessica G. said...

For me personally, if I was to adopt, I would leave the gender of the child in God's hands. Why would I choose when he knows what is best for our family?

Also, having cousins and aunts and uncles that have adopted as well as a few close friends, I don't know anyone who has chosen the gender of their child. It seems weird to me.

And, as for not picking, here is a little story for you. My cousins had two biological daughters. Then they adopted twice and ended up with two more girls. They were perfectly content with their four girls. If they longed for a boy, I never heard about it...just about how much they loved their girls. Ten years later, my cousin accidentally gets pregnant and that was their boy. I think God planned it that way and I know they are so happy for their little boy. And the girls love him! It was all in God's perfect timing.

A.M.H. said...

I'm totally commenting on my own blog. Is that weird? For whatever reason this topic is just running around my head today.

Okay, but we also don't get to choose if your biological children are born with special needs or not. So should we also leave that in the hands of God? Harder question, since most likely the adoption agency (God?) is going to give you a special needs child since there are less people willing to adopt them.

The Pinheiro Family said...

I think that it can depend on the situation. It is a bigger issue if there are exsisting chidlren in the family. In order to help an adopted child better fit into a family with exsisting siblings you need to consider a few factors. If there is only one child I think either gender is okay... but it may be better to pick a child of opposite gender so as not to take away both the roll of only child and son/daughet at once. Because Adoption doesn't give you the same time of pregnancy to help a child adjust and then welcome a baby it is something to consider. If there are several children it may be nice as you said to adopt another girl if there is an only girl, or if there are only boys, to adopt a girl, etc.

But, I think a bigger issue than gender is age. When adopting, if there are exsisting siblings it is huge to consider the age of the current children and those being considered for adoption. Throwing off the order can be very damaging for already exsisting children. If you have a 7 year old lets say and they have always been the oldest, it can create a lot of problems to bring in a child that's older. That's something I remember having studied in school and heard a lot of discussion about while Interning at an adoption organization in college. Just some food for thought!

Holls said...

i know we've talked about this briefly anna. but one thing i've learned in the journey we are on can be summed up in one sentence.
'adoption is not specific to any ability, location, age, race or gender.'
for me realizing this was so freeing. once you get involved in the process, you can start to feel crazy- like, 'maybe we should adopt an HIV + baby or maybe a special needs or maybe siblings, or maybe we should keep it domestic cuz this our country. all of this became to much until i had that little revelation.
the reality is there is no shortage of kids that needs homes- whether or not you have some element of 'control' over it is regardless- the need is there for millions of children- boy or girl.
with that said, i think that you have to do what you feel like is right for your family. i have 3 bio kids, 2 are girls. 1 of my girls is like having 15 girls... so naturally we felt like adding a boy for our bio son would be the best fit.
god knows what our family needs. its not outside of him to make that happen regardless of what we may want or request. so with that said, our request for a boy seemed like the right thing to do for the existing dynamic in our family.

A.M.H. said...

So well said Holly! I knew you would have an eloquent written and realistic opinion - I'm glad you shared it!

Linda Z said...

I haven't done blogging in so long, I forgot my password! :)

I agree with Holly on this. We have been in the process for the past 2 years. We originally wanted to adopt privately, perhaps saving a baby from an abortion.

Through prayer and going through the process, we were led by the Lord to foster adoption. We wanted a girl, because we already have 2 boys, and we didn't feel adding another boy would be the best thing for the dynamic of our sons' needs, which we also have to consider. God led us and confirmed that He wants us to adopt 2 girls, most likely siblings. We have been very sure on that... my mom had a dream about it before we even told her. She even had names, and one was the same derivative of a name God had put on my mind, meaning "God is gracious."

God has been very specific in leading our family. He has a plan for our family, personally, as Holly said. He is a personal God, which is amazing.

There are also a lot of legal issues involved once you start the process. For instance, you have to have boys and girls in separate rooms and you are allowed 2 per room. So there are certain perameters you have to adhere to as well. It's not really a romanticized notion... it's the difficult, yet amazing work of redemption. It is costly emotionally and often times financially... but it is worth it, if God calls your family to it.

As far as children with special needs... you have to consider your own God given gifts. I have no stomach for issues that nurses deal with... I have a friend who is in the process who would be fine with that situation. I have gifts in teaching and counseling... these are the ways the Lord can work best through the cracked vessel that is known as "Linda." :)

As a final note... we were called for the first time on Friday to adopt our sisters. However, I am having some serious health issues right now with adrenal exhaustion and a "mono" like illness. We had to say "not now," and it just breaks my heart, as we've been waiting for 2 years. So because you have such a tender heart for this issues, I truly covet your prayers for healing. And for God's perfect timing for the future of this process. We are definitely in a difficult valley right now.

Thanks Anna! Sorry I wrote a whole book! :)

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