Heartburn

Our weekend was absolutely lovely. On Saturday morning we loaded the boy and our camping gear into the truck and drove north of Santa Barbara in search of sand and sun.

RJ borrowed our friends two stand-up paddles boards and we were blessed with seventy degree weather. Strapping a pink lifejacket onto Landon we plopped him on the front of RJ's board and the three of us took to the waves. The water was FRIGID so I had a feeling the poor boy wouldn't last very long - it keep lapping up over the sides of the board all over him. But just as I was about to call it, and head back to the beach, a seal lion surfaced mere feet from Landon's face. Sea Lions are one of the featured animals in his favorite book "Panda Bear Panda Bear What Do You See" so he was delighted and the cold forgotten. Now whenever we ask him if he went "surfing" he vigorously shakes his head yes and shouts SEA LION over and over again.

We ate hot dogs and mac n cheese for dinner and used RJ's down parka as Landon's sleeping bag. The night was nearly ruined when a group of sixteen people pulled a RV into the empty site nest to us and started blasting mariachi music. Thankfully my husband politely explained that our two-year old needed a relative amount of quiet if there was any chance he was going to sleep in a tent and our neighbors turned off the tunes.

I was so thankful to be out of town and enjoying my family this weekend. Otherwise I would have spent the entire time moping around my house heavy with anxiety and worry. On Saturday, before we left, I decided to check my online community. An article was thrown into my face from our adoption yahoo group - The Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs (MOWA) in Ethiopia is threatening to significantly reduce adoptions. Upon hearing this news my heart plummeted and I choked on my tears. I was devastated for the children, other adopting families, and honestly, for myself and our family.
I thought one of the advantages of adoption was no pregnancy heartburn. I was very wrong.

Since Saturday we have had more concrete information from our adoption agency. Things are unstable in Ethiopia right now, but not to the degree in which I first thought (and that article first sensationalized). Adoption advocates are calling for prayer as MOWA and the courts continue to meet regarding the future of Ethiopian adoption. Many in Ethiopia are pro-adoption; however, and rightly so, there are concerns regarding child trafficking. However, with 5 million orphans in a country only twice the size of Texas, it is my prayer that a reasonable solution be found to prevent the tragedy of unethical adoptions without sacrificing care of the institutionalized children who desperately long for families.

Through this all I have begun to truly understand how much of our adoption is completely out of my control. And that it isn't about me at all. Adoption is about a child who needs a family. Not about a mother who wants a child. Through God's grace both hearts are blessed, but the motivation must be purely about loving a hurting child. I am learning how to trust in the Lord with our family and with my heart. Easy words to say but difficult words to live. Throughout these past few days I have found myself pressing into Jesus. He continually reminds me that He works all things together for good for those who love him. But just when I seem to lay my fears at His feet - just when I sink into his peace - I seem to pick them up again.

Please join me in praying for Ethiopia.