There were so many times this past five years that I thought this moment would never come. I felt the unquestionable leading of the Lord to stick with this adoption, but it often seemed as though our turn would never arrive. Or, worse yet, that the country would close and all our efforts and years of waiting would be lost. I often wondering why God put the desire to adopt so strongly on my heart only to keep it from fruition.
Finally, our call came. It was real. She was real. But, then those long nine months of waiting. Waiting to hold her, to smell her neck and nuzzle her cheeks. Those long agonizing months of waiting for paperwork while she grew and changed and learned in the care of another. Again, I wondered Why Lord? Why make us wait? Why keep her from us? Only to discover and learn that it was for my refining. The fact that we waited the exact length of a pregnancy is not lost on me. My family needed 9 months to prepare our hearts and our home. My boys needed those months. My marriage need them. My heart needed them.
And now she is here. Oh the JOY! God is so faithful.
Does that mean if our adoption hadn't finalized He wouldn't be faithful? Absolutely not. He is faithful always. His Spirit continually told me to hang in there, to follow Him, to trust. In feeble, faltering steps and in power and strength that could only come from Him, I did that. I followed. I trusted. I let him lead me. If you follow His leading you will see His faithfulness. For the Word of the Lord proclaims: "To the faithful you [Lord] show yourself faithful."* If we are faithful to follow He is faithful to lead. To lead us and to love us and to carry us.
"I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will sing your praises before the gods.
I bow before your hold Temple as I worship.
I praise your name for your unfailing love
and faithfulness;
for your promises are back
by all the honor of your name.
As soon as I pray, you answer me;
you encourage me by giving me your strength."
Psalm 138:1-3
*2 Samuel 22:26
4 comments:
You and I walked two very different journeys to get our third children, yet they had a lot of the same aspects. Crying out to the Lord for that child we both wanted. And just like you, I have looked at Callum with tears in my eyes, seeing the blessing that the Lord has given me.
How beautiful! You've seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Praise God!
Trusting the Lord with that third baby was one of the hardest things I've done. It's so tough knowing our family is not in our control. We definitely shared those same parallels. He is so kind to give us the desires of our hearts.
Hey Anna.
Not sure if you and your husband remember me but my name is Josh Boles and I went to a home group at your house years ago (maybe 6 years?) with Marcus and Stacey McKinnon from Tahoe. Congrats on your new daughter! Really cool to see and keep updated on your lives. I follow you guys on instagram ; )Anyways just wanted to check in and thank you and RJ for opening up your house to me being a part of my early Christian years. Still remember some of the good talks. It means a lot to me thinking back on how you two were so kind to me. So thank you again and hope all is well! God Bless
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