Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I'm going to warn you that this post is nothing more than a ridiculous whine-fest.

I'm terrible at waiting. 

Actually, I take that back. Apparently I'm pretty good at it for about 6 months, but 6 months seems to be my personal limit and then I begin to crack.

I am ready to see my children. I am ready to have my family together and move on with life. For more than 9 months (14 months if you include paperwork chasing and 2 years if you count waiting for RJ to get on the adoption wagon) I've been waiting for a dark-skinned lovey from Africa. For nearly 30 weeks I've been waiting for the arrival of another precious son.

At first I was able to wait with purpose and good-cheer. Now I'm over it. 

I KNOW God is teaching me things during this period of waiting. I KNOW that He holds the timing completely in His hands and that His timing is ALWAYS perfect. I KNOW that compared to so many other people's struggles and hurts I haven't even been waiting for all that long. I have a dear friend that has been waiting for healing for a chronic illness for years. Who am I to complain?! But my heart is once again having a tough time catching up with my head. My head gets that waiting is just part of the game. Part of the refining process. My heart wants to scream and shout and throw a toddler-sized temper tantrum because I am yearning for the next phase.

Funny thing is I also know that in only 10 weeks one of my little people will make his grand debut. And a few weeks later I'll be so exhausted I'll probably wish I could go back in time to when he was safely and quietly tucked away inside me. Back to when life was relatively simple and quiet - and I was just waiting.


Jess Roy said...

I hate waiting too. It is seriously tough. But we've been shown over and over how absolutely perfect God's timing can be. So for now...I just keep waiting. :) Hang in there!!

Linda Z said...

You are learning so much, Anna. Learning contentment in all circumstances is so hard. I've been waiting since 2009. (Or even since around 1991 when Patrick & I first discussed adoption.) I think I'm finally surrendering my dream. Maybe it wasn't God's dream for us, or maybe it still is, but I am learning to be content. Maybe my illness will have a part in all of it. I'm slowly learning to trust. Looking for what God is doing in the waiting. :)

Two Cent Sparrow.
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