In His Hands

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Last Wednesday I sent our dossier (5 months worth of paperwork, sweat and tears) to our agency in Washington D.C. As I handed it over to the Fed-Ex employee (who assured me for the 100th time that it would arrive safely) I felt a mixture of extreme excitement mingled with a tiny bit of anxiety.

For the past 5 months our adoptions has been (almost) completely in my hands. I've been slowly working down a elaborate checklist: marking boxes, filling out forms, making calls, and praying for appointments. And, as of last Wednesday, my job is done (for now). For the next many months all RJ and I do is wait for our referral (match with a child(ren)). And pray. And wait and pray some more. And even more.

The absence of something to do is a bit unnerving. Because without something to keep my hands busy I have to completely and utterly trust the Lord with our adoption.

Not two hours after I mailed our dossier we got a disheartening email from our agency.

It has been confirmed that Ethiopia has significantly reduced the number of adoptions it is processing each day. No one knows if this reduction is temporary or long-term. All we can do, once again, is wait. And pray some more. Our original wait time of 7-11 months for referral will most likely be much longer - and could potentially stretch into years.

It's as thought the Lord was telling me. I'm being serious here. You must completely TRUST me with this adoption. With your future "planning". With your family, your children, and your timeline. It is in MY hands, not yours. 

Two days ago I work up with anxiety thinking about the potential wait ahead of us. And the Lord gave me this verse (which I had never read before, so I know He had it for me specifically that morning):

"He [the man who knows the Lord] will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear." Psalm 112:7,8b

So I will not live in fear that the reduction in ET adoptions are permanent. I will not wait anxiously for the bad news that our babies are years away from coming home. Instead, I will be secure in the Lord and trust Him. AND, in faith, I will continue with the same prayer I've had since we first decided to adopt: That we might have our referral before Christmas of this year. And if that's not the case, then Your will Lord, not mine, be done. 

In all honesty, sometimes that last part has to be said in obedience rather than out of emotion. At times my heart takes awhile to catch up to my head. But never has the Lord forsaken me, so i know he will not now. 

If everything goes smoothly at the Ethiopian Embassy this week our dossier will be Ethiopia bound on Friday!!! Woot! Woot! 


Jess Roy said...

That is rough! We are praying for you guys daily. We are experiencing what it means to wait on God's timing right now too - wanting and waiting to have kids in all forms is such an emotional process. Hang in there! Love you.

jessi bridges said...

It is all in the Lord's hands. He knows, He is sovereign!!

Here is the blog of a friend of mine who just got her son from Uganda a few weeks ago after a long wait. There were so many obstacles and many times it didn't seem like it would happen, but in the end they were united with their beautiful son! It might be encouraging for you:

Erin said...

I just got chills reading your blog! And I want to cry! I know how you're feeling completely. I keep getting emails and things keep changing... but let's pray that things will change for good. That those babies will come home sooner! It would be a miracle but God can do anything!!! So many people are praying for this and I know anything is possible! And if things don't change while we're in this process he'll us give the patience and the strength that we need to make it through. Praying for you and your family :)

Linda Z said...

I totally get the waiting thing... it's so hard. I pray that it will be a gift of time with RJ and Landon... to continue growing as a family and dreaming together! The greatest things in life aren't easy, but they are certainly worth it in the end! :)

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