Mother's Day

Monday, May 11, 2009

Landon was a bit of a fuss-butt yesterday so I didn't get a chance to write my Mother's Day blog on Mother's Day, so I'm being flexible and doing it today even though that seem unconventional (see how much I've learned already!). 

God is so good. 

Mothers Day 2008 - I spent the entire church service bawling. Pastor Britt had asked all the mother's in the room to stand and I ached to join them. 

Mother's Day 2009 - In the church Cry Room with my 3 1/2 week old son. Tears streaming down my face when we joined RJ for worship. 

I've been someone's mom for 26 days and already I've learned SO much - mostly about myself. I had heard that parenting grows and molds you more than anything else. It is one of God's prime opportunities to teach. I just didn't realize how fast the lessons would come. 

During our (first) morning nursing session I like to make a list of things to do for the day. Most of the time there are 10-15 things on that list - little stuff that would take me only 2-3 hours to do if our house was a baby-free zone. I've found that I'm lucky to actually do anything on that list. Landon needs me all the time right now. I am learning that my agenda must be released. I still like to make my list, but unless I want to be frustrated every evening when nothing is checked off, I must let go of my expectations.  Which also means letting go of my pride. My house is messy. My clothes are dirty. My hair looks pathetic. There are dark circles under my eyes. I am relying on friends or insta-meals in order to eat. 

Speaking of eating I can't even eat for myself anymore. Landon has tummy troubles which translates into an intense diet for his Mama. No wheat, dairy, caffeine, alcohol, or gassy foods. In addition to the good eating my little man must be help upright for at least 20 minutes after each meal. It is hard for him to take a nap in his crib b/c his stomach acid gurgles up when he is laying flat on his back - so we spend lots of time taking walks in the stroller, rocking in the chair, in the swing, or strapped to mom's front. 

I've heard some women complain of a loss of identity when they become a mom. I don't feel as though I've lost my identity; rather, I am becoming a better version of myself. Very slowly, through trial, error, and tears I find myself becoming less selfish, more patient, tender, and purposeful. I tend to lose it in an intense emotional situation. When Landon is screaming his head off and I can't figure out what's wrong I am (slowly) learning to take a step back, pray, will myself into a state of calm, and then respond. When I reach for another rice cake rather than a brownie I see the Lord slowly chipping away at my immense selfishness. (Although I do each rice cakes for somewhat selfish reasons. Happy baby tummy = more nap time for Mama.)

Being a mom is hard. Truthfully, it is much harder already than I anticipated. I can't image the lessons I'll learn when he's 2, 7, 12, 16....  But motherhood is a gift and already one of the greatest blessings in my life. I'll never forget the moment they first placed him in my arms. Or the look in his eyes when he focuses on my face (milk-time??!!). Joy overwhelming.


Soderin Family said...

anna, don't cut out everything from your diet, i did and it just made me fel more depressed and i'm not even sure it helped noah at all. i was just hungry and sad. please call me if you want to talk to someone who's been there before. noah was colicky until about 4 months. Email me and i'll give you my #. many hugs to you!

Linda Z said...

You are definitely a mom in full swing, Anna!!! The first 3 months seem to be especially intense and like you don't know which way is up, but it does change! It's awesome that you are learning so much about selfishness... those are hard lessons. I'm learning in different ways as I'm homeschooling my eldest and have a very irritable toddler. I need an attitude adjustment pretty much every day! God is so good to refine, but it is hard! Keep on keepin' on!!! :)

Jenn said...

hey girl. so proud of you already. those first few months (or years) can be really hard. i had a really hard baby, digestively, as well. something i did was Mylicon after EVERY feeding...and, despite what they said, I let him nap on his tummy. as long as i was watching. he was MUCH MUCH happier. anyway, i hate to give advice, but maybe my experience will help. if you ever have a question. maybe i went through hell to help someone else.

great job mommy!

Jess Roy said...

Oh Anna, he totally has your eyes!

Jenny Schlenker said...

i just love you anna girl. you are a stunning woman.... you keep pressing your heart, mind and every piece of you to know Jesus deeper..... he is your King..... and I love you girlie! keep those tears streaming........ that is a release!

Rebecca said...

Anna, it sounds like you are a wonderful Mommy. Isn't it an amazing blessing. I am off of dairy, soy and corn (after a month of an elimination diet) for Nadia but it is SO worth it. The first two weeks were the hardest and then it gets easier. There really is a lot you CAN Coconut ice cream. ;) Yum.
Keep enjoying your precious little man.

Unknown said...

Hey Beautiful lady,
Welcome to motherhood. And yes... those lessons just keep comin! It brings joy to my heart and tears to my eyes to read your blog and reflect on the last 17 months I've had with Sierra. Just yesterday she fell asleep in the car and I got to hold her a while on my chest before I laid her down in the crib... wow has time flown and boy has she grown. I have resolved myself to the understanding that being "mom" is the hardest thing that I will ever do. Some of the challenges will get easier as new ones arise. It's an ever changing, always teaching profession! Enjoy the ride! (and if you've never heard of it/haven't tried it yet... go grap some "grip water" from Walgreens. It's an herbal all natural remedy with ginger to help sooth the baby's tummy... it may bring Landon some relief!) Oh... and I haven't already said so but Congrats on his arrival... and I love the name.

Two Cent Sparrow said...

Thanks so much for all the encouragement friends! Things have gotten a bit easier as I am beginning to figure out my son more and more - whimpering means hungry, howling equals heartburn. Thanks for all the advice too!

Two Cent Sparrow.
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