Grown Up

Monday, March 22, 2010

Yesterday, while on our family walk, RJ and I were sharing a chuckle over life. We both sometimes feel like we're playing house. He's the Daddy. I'm the Mommy. We have the baby. We live in the House. It's just like the 4-year old version we played over twenty years ago.

And sometimes I still feel like that four year old inside; like deep down I'm waiting for my own Mom and Dad to walk in and take charge. At times it would be nice if they did! Reflecting on my day-to-day it's hard to believe that this is it - I'm here - I'm doing the big girl stuff. 

God is growing me up. 

And it's a refining process. 

Real Simple, one of my favorite magazines, recently held an essay contest. The topic was "At What Moment Did You Realize You Were An Adult?". The winning essay is great (check it out in the most recent issue), but I'm not sure I could have written an entry. There is no such moment in my life. Rather it's been a string of moments building on one another. 

When Landon was born everything changed. My perceptions of life and God altered. And how nice it would be to say that the instant they put my son on my chest I became an adult, but I can't honestly say that. I was just a kid, maybe a half-adult, who happened to be entrusted with a child. A half-child with a child.

But my child is heading into toddler-hood and I feel myself growing along with him. This past year I've been transitioning from half-child to adult. I may still feel like I'm playing house but my character is growing. Maybe this is why our children can't remember the first few years of their lives. Transition can be painful and it's best that our children see us as adults rather than fledglings. At times I want to cling to childhood: to selfishness, pride, impatience. But God has been humbling me. Teaching me. Testing me. As I grow in the Lord I gain maturity. 

The Lord is showing me that we are adults when we truly understand what it means to be His child. When we abide in His Love. When we Trust in His provision and promise. When we listen and obey Him. For He is God and He is Good. And he Loves us - child, adult, or half-way-there Grown-up.


Linda Z said...

That's an interesting question... I can't really pinpoint a time either. Sometimes I still feel like I'm a little kid inside! :) But I do want to be a grown up, though. It gets a little creepy when people going on 40 are still trying to act like teenagers... like Uncle Rico! :)

SomisSurferGirl said...

Right there with you. Much love,

charissa said...

What an amazing insight Anna. I love it. Becoming humble is the path to deep maturity. This pondering of yours is a jewel!

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