Two Cent Sparrow

Friday Favorites

2012-02-10T13:55:00.000-08:00

There are few things quite as annoying as children's music.

I will occasionally put on a kids station while listening to Pandora but until recently I had refused to endure the sing-song lyrics of Raffie while driving.

Then I heard Landon bust-out a mildly inappropriate Katy Perry lyric from his carseat; and I realized it was time to rethink my priorities.

My girlfriend had given me two Seeds of Encouragement CDs months earlier gushing about their wonderfulness. "These CDs are not only easy to listen to but actually enjoyable," she insisted. "Plus, both my daughter and I are learning scriptures through the songs."

And I have to admit - she was right.

The Seeds CDs are rockin'.

Just straight scripture set to music they are absolutely not annoying - I actually really enjoy a few of the songs.

They're help me memorize more Bible in the past month that in the past ten years AND I get the sweet pleasure of hearing a tiny two-year old voice belt out

"Do not be anxious, about anything..."

Plus, I've taught Landon that each song is about God, so he asks me what each one means and it has opened up wonderful conversations.

You can find the CD's here at Seeds Family Worship.

We have Seeds of Encouragement and Seeds of Courage.

Landon and I both like Seeds of Courage a bit better but both are excellent.

3 Months Left

2012-02-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

When I think about our little guy making his big arrival in a mere 3 months I get a bit overwhelmed. Yet, when I think about being pregnant for 3 MORE MONTHS I get totally overwhelmed.

I am over being pregnant. Honestly I don't have anything in particular to complain about, just the regular aches and discomforts. I'm just ready to have my full energy and my body back. But, since this very well could by my last pregnant I am trying to enjoy it and savor the closeness of having my little guy literally attached to me and to me alone.

13 weeks seems like a long time but our list of things to do and enjoy before our newest arrival will definitely help time pass quickly. Over the next few months we are looking to:

- finish the boys' room

- covert our spare room/den into a playroom

- enjoy a few special activities with Landon such Kids Space in Pasadena

- visit with Uncle Matthew, Aunt Jessica and Aunt Kaitlyn!!!

- celebrate Landon's 3rd birthday

- try to get away for a long weekend without L

- attend a big adoption conference that's being hosted in California this year

- and soak-up the last few moment of being a family of 3!

Oh, Hello Blog

2012-01-27T14:49:00.000-08:00

For nearly two weeks I've been so overwhelmingly busy I haven't been able to write blogs, read blogs, discover new blogs, or anything. It's amazing how out of the loop I feel. The blog community has become a small, yet significant part of my life, and I really miss it when I have to stay away.

There are a few reasons for my short hiatus: Landon gave me his nasty flu-bug and I couldn't shake it for nearly 3 weeks, I have a new challenge/commitment ahead of me that I've been preparing for (more on this to come soon), I actually got to do a bit of work with a former colleague, I've been crafting (I know, gasp!) and then just the everyday occurrences and relationships. Not to mention, L's naps are getting shorter giving me barely enough time to eat my lunch and get the house straightened up before he's awake again. I'm going to have to find a new window of time in my day to write posts.

It's was incredibly fun working with my former colleague and good friend this past week. Just a small project, but it felt great to exercise that part of my mind once again. I really love not working and being home with Landon, but I do worry about losing my edge. I'm afraid I'll head back into the workforce ten years from now (or sooner) and be completely lost - everything I once knew obsolete and irrelevant in our fact-changing society. But when I look back on the past few years I realize God has been taking care of me all along. I've had four editing jobs land in my lap since transferring to stay-at-home-motherhood. The jobs haven't been paid, but they've allowed me to continue to hone my skills and stay just a tiny bit involved in the industry. It's been just enough too; because although I've enjoyed the work it's hard to juggle home, kids, husband and job. I greatly admire women who do it regularly.

Maybe at some point I'll return to work, but if I do I'm certain of one thing: it's my house that's going to suffer, because there is no way I'm missing out on precious moments with this little dude. They are flying by way to fast as it is!

Awesome/Awkward

2012-01-11T19:31:00.001-08:00

My friend Jessica (Jess - if i knew how to link you from my iphone I totally would!) sometimes does these AWESOME posts called awesome/awkward. They are hilarious.

The other day at Trader Joes I saw something that just screamed Awesome/Awkward so I'm going to be totally Awkward and rip off her idea (which I believe she may have stolen from someone else, so now it's a tend, which is awesome.)

AWESOME: Trader Joes now does cheese samples! So not only do I get a mini cup of coffee and a small snack while shopping but now Landon and I get a cheese chunk too. Yippee

AWKWARD: Last time I was at the cheese tray of freebies I noticed an average looking, middle-aged woman loading a napkin with cheese samples and sneaking them into her purse. Odd but possibly understandable. It was really good cheese. Ten minutes later I find her in the parking lot in the car next to me feeding the dozen plus cats in her backseat!!!! Waaaayyy awkward.

In other news I've taken to wearing leg warmers recently. Awesome or awkward? You tell me.

Sugary Sweet

2012-01-09T14:21:00.000-08:00

Anyone else on absolute sugar overload from the holidays? Maybe it's just me and my pregnant belly but this year felt particularly indulgent, and we still have loads of sweets in our pantry. At one point RJ casually mentioned, "I think we should put the Sees candy box up higher because Landon seems to be getting into it." Yeeaaahhhh, that's definitely Landon's doing alright...

I am actually sick of sugar, candy, ice cream, cookies and cakes. Yet, I still find myself eating it ~~once twice~~ up to three times a day! The probablem with sugar is once you start you just can't stop. The white stuff is addictive.

Having pregnancy as an excuse you would think I would just embrace 9 months of indulgence, but I actually feel quite guilty. At this point of my pregnancy whatever I eat the little dude both eats and tastes, and he is enjoying way too many sweets for one so young.

And he's not the only young lad who has been spoiled recently. A certain two year old seems to think that lolipops and snickerdoodles make up their own food group.

Quitting sugar cold-turkey is hard and honestly unrealistic for me and my family. We like our sweets. But we need to cut back and make them a special occurrence rather than the norm. During her 30 days of clean eating my friend Erin raved about a bunch of vegan, low/no sugar dessert recipes over at Chocolate Covered Katie. I remember thinking those sounded cool and then promptly heading to the kitchen for my second piece of marshmallow fudge.

I forgot about the healthy dessert blog until it popped up on Pinterest the other day and I decided to check it out. That gal Katie is a chocolate-covered vegan genius. The desserts on her blog look amazing and most of them are chalk full of healthy ingredients. This afternoon I was craving my usual after lunch dessert so I whipped-up some of this:

Cookie Dough Dip

Dip that tastes like cookie dough. Seriously. So. Good. I ate it on a graham cracker and my sugar craving was completely satisfied.

There is sugar in the recipe but way less than regular cookie dough. Plus, no raw eggs (yay for this preggers gal) and no butter. The fat comes from healthy almond butter and I added flax seed for an extra nutritional kick. The main ingredient: garbanzo beans. Basically it's chocolate chip hummus. Don't gag - I know it sounds really weird but it is surprisingly delicious. (I will be completely honest- if you think about eating garbanzo beans while chowing down you can taste them just the littlest bit, but if you didn't know you would never be able to tell.)

I am so excited to offer this to Landon for dessert tonight. I just know he's going to love it and I'm going to be silently chuckling watching him eat a big serving of beans and nuts while thinking I'm the best Mom in the whole wide world for allowing him dessert.

Weekend Update

2012-01-08T19:52:00.001-08:00

It has been mellow weekend. Landon had a 102 degree temperature on Friday so we've kept close to home. Lots of puzzles, movies, stickers and hot "tea".

Poor little sicky was complaining of feeling cold Saturday afternoon despite his sweats and socks. Knowing I love a warm cuppa when chilled I thought he might enjoy his first brew. I dunked a peppermint teabag in warm water for two seconds, added lots of milk and a heaping teaspoon of honey. The little man loved his warm beverage and kept cupping his hands around the mug and saying, "mmmmm hot tea. mmmmmm" between sips. Pretty much the cutest boy ever.

What to do with all your Christmas cards

2012-01-03T16:31:00.001-08:00

I got this idea from a book about family traditions that Shirley Dobson published at least 15 years ago. I'm not sure if it's still in print but you can find used copies on amazon. The images are completely cheesy and out of date but the content is still relevant and useful.

Anyway, I've mentioned in the past that I love keeping the Christmas cards we receive each year. I keep them all together and enjoy going back and seeing how our family & friends have grown and changed over the years. But this year we are going to put the cards into good use before stuffing them away.

RJ decided that Landon is old enough now to follow and participate in nightly family devotions. Along with our devotional stories are are going to pull one Christmas card per week and commit to praying for that family each evening. I think I'll take it one step further and place the weekly family on our frige so we are committed to praying for them whenever we see their smiling faces. I'm hoping this activity not only blesses our friends but teaches Landon the importance of praying for others.

Welcome Twenty-Twelve

2012-01-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

Image from This Is Glamorous

I don't think I've staying up to ring in the New Year since 2001.

I just value my sleep more than most normal twenty-nine year olds.

But I do love the first of the year:

Fresh starts, new lists, past reflections, exciting possibilities on the horizon...

I just know 2012 is going to be a good one for our family:

-our little dude is scheduled to arrive

-I'll be turning 30!

- another year to watch Landon grow and develop

- and, although I'm not counting on it, possibly a Referral from Ethiopia???

My prayer is that this will be a year of growth for our little family.

That we will fall more in love with God, each other and our community.

And keeping with my past traditions I've mulled over a new

list of goals.

- I have 5 specific people I am committing to prayer for the entire year. They don't know I'm praying for them and I'm incredibly excited to see God work in their lives. Of course, I'll be praying for other people, as well as my family, but I feel that God wants me to specifically focus on these 5 during 2012.

- Write (almost) everyday; either on my blog or in my journal. I love to write. It's a great outlet but lately I've found myself slipping away from it. I know it will be more difficult to commit when #2 arrives but I want to try.

- Keep my house clean/organized. I have an amazing iphone app called Motivated Moms. It gives me a daily list of chores to do. Everything from dailies such as wiping down the kitchen sink to those pesky once or twice a year duties that always seem to get ignored. I used it for about 3 straight months last year and it was amazing. I'm excited to get back on track.

- Sew something for the baby. This has been on my goals list for the past few years and just hasn't happened yet. This year is the year. I can feel my creative juices flowing already.

- Accessorize. My closest and drawers are filled with such fun accessories that I buy and never wear. I want to get in the habit of choosing at least one thing - be it earrings or a scarf- to keep my outfits fun.

- Because this year I am committing to buying fewer clothes. I have a bit of a cheap clothes addiction (target, f21, etc.) For the most part these "tiny" purchases are just a waste of money. I want to be a better steward of our finances. Plus, I honestly think grown women look so much classier when wearing just a few nice staple pieces rather than five-hundred layers of cheap threads. Believe me, Target tees still have a place in my closet - it's just getting smaller.

- And finally, bake a Julia Child's french dessert. Something decadent and fancy

How about you - any goals for 2012?

Oh, and if you are cleaning up the Holiday decor today I urge you to hold off on tossing the Christmas cards you've recieved. i have a great idea for them that I'll share soon.

Wishing You

2011-12-25T06:00:00.000-08:00

Very

Merry

Christmas

Best Books of 2011

2011-12-23T09:23:00.000-08:00

I read 56 books in 2011

(not including the half dozen books I finished half of and then discarded.)

Is this something to be proud of or possibly a bit ashamed (cough - I have no life - cough) about? Jury still out on
that.

But in my defense I have always been a really quick reader. And RJ and I don't watch tv at night so I'm typically nose in a book. Plus, this was my first year being part of a book club.

So for better or for worse you can safely say that i read A LOT.

My top 5 fiction books for the year:

in no particular order

Cutting for Stone

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

The Help

The Hunger Games (trilogy)

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

My top 5 nonfiction books for 2011:

Half the Sky

Radical

Unbroken

They Poured Fire On Us From the Sky

The New Hide or Seek

(see sidebar titled "Good Reads" for my complete list of 2011 books and their authors)

Family Portraits 2011

2011-12-22T04:21:00.000-08:00

For the past three years Hervey Photo has taken family portraits for us.

Each year they are absolutely amazing;

and this year really is the best yet!

Just a few of our favorites:

sometimes we are inappropriate

2011-12-21T14:40:00.000-08:00

So I've jumped on the Pinterest bandwagon;

and it's a total time-sucker just like I worried it would be.

Yet I am completely obsessed and loving it!

Lately I've been going crazy picking up ideas for our kids' rooms.

The boys are going to share a room and I just love everything about this alphabet wall.

The new bed we got Landon is a blue and mustard yellow color so I'm really liking this color scheme too.

Since we know we are having brothers we continue to feel that a little lady from Ethiopia is missing from our family. And how cute is this elephant room for our "elephant girl":

So ridiculously girly and frilly and awesome.

Kids rooms are my absolute favorite to decorate.

No rules seem to apply.

You can go as colorful, crazy, over-the-top or understated as you like.

(Images from Ohdeedo)

7 Months Waiting

2011-12-20T14:35:00.000-08:00

My dear Elephant Baby:

Did you know that elephants are pregnant for 22 months?

That is a looooong time!

But it's a also a sweet time of preparation and growth.

Which is why I call you my special elephant baby.

We wish we could be with you this Christmas.

But everything in His perfect timing.

We love you.

XO,

Mom, Dad and your brothers(!!!)

snails and puppy dog tails

2011-12-19T15:08:00.000-08:00

I've spend nearly all of Landon's nap time searching out room decor for BROTHERS

the box bike

2011-12-16T15:32:00.000-08:00

Photo by Hervey Photo (they rock!)

This is our box bike.

No, we didn't make it.

It actually comes this way.

How my husband discovers and hunts down these unique treasures I might never understand.

I just know we all benefit from his ability to shop for obscure and interesting products.

The bike is from the Netherlands (yay for the Dutch heritage!) and it's super fun.

(and a tad bit scary in the passenger seat if you're grown and pregnant and not a huge fan of speed bumps)

Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of our acceptance into the

American World Adoption Ethiopia program.

Although we have already gotten a teeny-tiny taste of the challenges associated with adoption we have also already experienced some of the huge blessings.

So we continue to move forward with excitement and faith.

We just got the box bike an extra seat:

it now holds four!

18 week bump

2011-12-12T04:22:00.000-08:00

I feel as though this bump pic is really inaccurate. I am actually much bigger.
Two days ago my neighbor saw me and exclaimed "you look like you're about to deliver!"
ummm - actually i have 5 MONTHS to go!

A week from today we have an ultrasound appointment to (hopefully!) find our the gender of this baby.

I.am.so.excited!!!!!!!

Any guesses?

And check out the awesomeness of this tee that RJ's sister Jessica sent me.

She got it from a company called Krochet Kids International which helps impoverished women in Northern Uganda and Peru.

I am so in love with it that I'm planning on wearing it constantly until I can't squeeze inside it anymore (which sadly looks to be fairly soon).

why adoption matters

2011-12-11T16:22:00.000-08:00

because no matter young or old every child wants a family to call her own

things remembered

2011-12-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

I hate the fact that I have already forgotten so much of Landon's babyhood. When I think back on those first few months, just a few short years ago, so much of it is already a blur. Thankfully, there are those precious (and sometimes hilarious) moments that I know will stick with me forever: the moment they placed him on my chest in the hospital, my mom, dad and I taking shifts in the rocking chair that first night home (and how RJ got 9 solid hours of sleep that night!), the blow-out of all blow-outs in Cambria, and watching him take his first steps across the front lawn.

Thank goodness for photographs because for ever memory stored I feel as though there are too many lost. Until yesterday I forgot to tell RJ about the day Landon ate his last piece of Halloween candy. It must have been about three weeks ago (we didn't let him get all that much). The moment his little hand gripped that final solitary piece he snatched the handle of his pumpkin bucket and marched to the front door yelling behind him, "Get my Mickey ears Mom." Before I could stop him he was on the porch heading out for a refill!

And I really hope I don't forget the sweet moment we shared in a Target dressing room just a few short days ago. We were there trying to find a last minute outfit for me to wear for our family photographs the next day. I was feeling frumpy in that gross in-between part of pregnancy - when your belly definitely isn't flat but you can't quite distinguish if it's a baby bump or too much fried food. My regular clothes felt too snug but my maternity stuff was still a bit too big - and I was frustrated. Landon was behaving remarkably well for being stuck in a teeny, tiny dressing room. I threw some type of tunic thing over my head and posed in the mirror for a look. My sweet boy turned to me and out of the blue said, "You look beautiful, Mama." The tunic didn't really fit and the color was all wrong, but in that moment I could have been wearing a paper bag and I would have felt like the most gorgeous woman on the planet.

I eventually found something to wear for our amazing family photos
Hervey Photo rocked it once again!

My beautiful boy: inside & out

6 Months Waiting

2011-12-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

Dear Wand lj/Se't lj* -

6 months waiting for you! Half a year! Sometimes it feels as though the days have flown by; other times they seem to have dragged. We can not wait to meet you!

I want you to know that although your brother or sister is growing inside of me right now I do not anticipate your coming any less. If anything, thinking about him/her causes me to think about you more. Whenever I wonder what we might name this baby I also wonder what your name might be. Whenever I stop to daydream about how I might decorate the nursery I also store up ideas for decorating your room in our home. Whenever the baby kicks me I wonder if you birth mom is pregnant with you right now and if she feels your kicks too. I pray for your birth mom continuously - she is never far from my heart.

During this holiday season it feel as if someone from our family is missing. I long for you. I think about you every.single.day.

Just as God loves each and every one of us wholly and completely a mother's love is always expanding & never divided. All the love I feel for your coming brother or sister I feel exactly the same for you. All the anticipation I have for him/her I have exactly the same for you. You are a part of our family and we wait for you with open arms.

Love,
Mama

*amharic for son/daughter. (I think! There were a bunch of version online that were similar but not exact)

Going on 30...

2011-11-20T16:27:00.000-08:00

I celebrated my 29th birthday last week. The first of many 29th birthdays, I'm sure.

Actually, although I honestly am not looking forward to hitting the big 3-0, I hope that when that time comes I'll embrace it with grace and enthusiasm. In interviews all the "older" movie stars always tout their 30s as being a wonderful time of self-awareness, personal growth, and ~~botox~~ renewed confidence. Maybe I will feel the same as I say good-bye to my youth and my metabolism. But I regress, I am still in my twenties (for another 360 days) and very much looking forward to the next year as I wrap up what's been an incredible decade.

I was so humbled as my family and friends poured out the birthday love. I was touched by each-and-every facebook message, the dinner out with my girlfriends, the flowers from my my sister and brother in Spokane, the singing message from my in-laws, the phone calls, the gifts, the cards.

Especially this card. BEST CARD EVER:

Inside: "Go give 'em something to gossip about"

(Thank you, Meg. 2013 Cruise for sure!)

God has blessed me with an incredible community of people - near and far, young and old - and I hope never to take them for granted.

My husband also made my birthday wish come true by taking Landon and I to Disneyland.

When I was a child I used to feel sorry for my parents at Christmastime. My sister and I had so many gifts compared to their few packages of tee-shirts and socks. But now that I am a mother I understand: there is absolute JOY in watching your child delight in something; which is why I wanted to take our boy to "the Big Castle where Mickey Mouse lives." And it really is 10x more fun seeing Landon grin ear-to-ear on the teacups then actually riding the teacups themselves. I had the most amazing birthday experiencing my son's intoxicating happiness. And you know what amazes me, the fact that God feels the exact same way about me. He delights in me when I enjoy HIm and the gifts, experiences, and blessings He has given me. Humbled & Amazed.

If you are inclined you can click here for more Disney pics

14 weeks

2011-11-15T14:40:00.000-08:00

13 weeks
and still tired

Today am 14 weeks and 3 days. I've finally hit the second trimester and feel as though I've joined the world again. My energy levels are up, most of my weird food cravings/aversions are over (although I still desperately wish it was okay to eat french fries with every meal. yummmmm. Never before have fried potatoes tasted so feakin' good.) and the nausea has passed. This pregnancy has been SO different than my first:

- Nausea. I had very, very little morning sickness with Landon. Like maybe 4 days of slight tummy upset. This time I had nearly 6 weeks of near constant queasiness. I only lost my cookies once but I felt as though I was suffering from a constant hangover, and the only thing that helped was eating at least every two hours and eating lots of fat and grease. And not the good-for-you fat either: the bad, fried, coat-your-mouth-in-film kind of fat.

- Food Aversions/Cravings. With Landon I couldn't stomach chicken or eggs and I craved citrus and spicy Mexican food. This time I couldn't stomach vegetables (except those fried potatoes!) at all, until two weeks ago when I got a major craving for salads. Meat hasn't bothered me and I've craved breakfast foods - eggs, sausages, bacon, waffles, bagels, pancakes, etc. - more than anything else. And I've wanted to dip everything in a deep frier. Thank goodness we don't have one.
With both babies I've craved ice-cold coke.

- Exhaustion. It's been bad this time and for weeks I've gone to bed before 9, but I have to say I was actually more exhausted with Landon. Being in front of a computer last time allowed me to think about just how tired I felt while this go-around I've been too busy chasing my 2 year old.

- Skin. Landon gave me beautiful skin. This baby is causing pimples. (That's okay baby; I still love you.)

- Bloat. Pop me with a pin and I'll go twirling around the room. I have been sooooo much more bloated this time around. It's finally easing up a bit.

- Asthma/Allergies. Both pregnancies have exasperated my allergies and my asthma which is a bummer.

- Emotions. The first trimester of my first pregnancy brought out my mean side. I felt negative towards everyone: everyone was annoying and I was incredibly anti-social. This time I've still been a bit anti-social, mostly b/c of the queasy tummy, but I've been incredibly weepy. The tears flow much, much more freely than normal and my skin seems to be paper-thin these days.

I've had many friends guess that I'm having a girl since my pregnancies have been different, but I'm just not certain. I was absolutely sure Landon was a boy from the moment I found out I was pregnant. These days I can't seem to decide. One days I'll be convinced I'm carrying a girl but the next day I'll switch. Landon's no help. He insists the baby is his "sister" but if you ask him if the baby is a girl or a boy he always says "boy". (And no, we've already checked for twins!) I guess we will just have to wait a few more weeks to see.

out of commission

2011-11-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog Friends -

I am so sorry I've been out of touch lately.

All i can say is that I've been:

E-X-H-A-U-S-T-E-D

I usually blog while Landon naps but lately this is me 2.5 seconds after I put him down:

Make-up from earlier today courtesy of two episodes of "Go Diego, Go!"

But one day my energy shall return!

Hopefully soon.

And while I can't promise my brain will stop being mush

(Baby Brain is real!) I will try to write some words again soon.

Meanwhile, please enjoy a few pics of the two cutest trick-or-treaters to ever hit the streets.

Fall Is For Friends

2011-10-28T14:16:00.000-07:00

Our Family

2011-10-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Very first thing in the morning Landon's little voice squeaks:

"Mama, lets do something together."

How is a mother supposed to resist?!

So inevitable I end up rolling out of bed and playing Markers/Stamps or Play-dough.

This morning it was Markers/Stamps,

so I thought I would draw you all a picture of our family:

Bundle of baby-love due Mother's Day 2012!

p.s i am an incredibly talented artist

5 Months Waiting

2011-10-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

It is crazy to think that had things not changed in Ethiopia

we would be half-way (or more!) through our wait to meet you.

Originally we were told to expect our referral call within 7-11 months.

Now we are being told 12-18 months (or longer.)

But I have absolute peace that the Lord is in control.

He knows exactly who you are and when you are meant to come to us.

Maybe you are not yet formed.

Maybe you are enjoying more time with your birth Mom.

Maybe God needs to work further on my own heart so I will be a better Mama.

Whatever the reasoning

I wait in hopeful, joyful, faithful anticipation.

It Runs In The Family

2011-10-19T14:29:00.000-07:00

Warning: shameless bragging about my boys below:

My very first blog post ever (way back in 2007) was about RJ's modeling career.

Apparently modeling runs in the family.

(Or maybe Patagonia just happens to like the look of my men.)

Either way, we got to see Landon strut his stuff down the catwalk on Monday for

Patagonia Fall Fashion Show.

Unfortunately I have terrible pictures.

I have to say it was pretty impressive.

Watching incredibly beautiful people sashaying down the runway in hundreds of stylish garments that my husband helped produce was inspiring.

I was proud of my guy.

Both my guys.

I might be his biased Mama but I have to say that Landon killed it.

He wore his puffy pants and jacket like a pro and marched onto that stage like he owned it.

The big lights, loud music, and good-sized audience just pumped him up more.

I was watching from the crowd but RJ told me that he had to hold Landon back until it was his turn.

Our boy was ready to strut.

He held his head high and waved to all the people.

I was incredibly proud -

and maybe just a tiny bit nervous as to where all this confidence might lead.

Dad and Landon - dressed and ready

A fuzzy picture of one of the big screens next to the stage while Landon walked

Bottom left you and can Landon and RJ at the shows finale clapping to the music

A Christmas Challenge

2011-10-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Image from World Vision

I really love Christmas. And I really love Christmas shopping (because I just plain love shopping in general. I actually get excited to go grocery shopping. Even just for bread.)

But lately I've been really conscious of the fact that while I do love Target how much more of my money do they need? This Christmas I would rather see our resources poured into some more worthy causes. So I super excited to find this blog post earlier today.

By buying Christmas gifts from companies/individuals that support social causes our money not only makes a positive lasting impact but we are able to spread the word about social injustice and empower people to do something about it.

And these two awesome women have already done the work for me! They created a pinboard on Pinterest with tons of awesome links to great gifts. Seriously good stuff (especially the further you scroll down the page). Check it out.

I'm challenging myself to buy as many of our Christmas gifts from these, and other, socially conscious groups as I can.

Hope you will join me.

weekend bits

2011-10-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

- Tomato sauce from scratch (as in tomatoes from our garden scratch) is just not worth it. Tastes good but nearly three hours later someone just pass me a jar of Prego

- Friday night RJ and I caught up on the new season of The Office. Andy as manager is brilliant.

Ed Helms - you are hilarious.

- Sunday we spent three hours at the outlet malls searching for shoes for Landon's halloween costume.

Apparently yellow lace-up shoes/slippers (boys or girls) just don't exist.

(Except for really, really, really bright yellow crocs)

- Sunday morning I indulged in a pedicure while the boys went to the tire shop and the nursery. Mid-pedi my two handsome men dashed into the salon to present me with flowers.

I turned a fierce shade of scarlet.

But felt incredibly loved.

- When I got home Landon asked me: "Why your friend washing your feet Mama?"

- Sunday was Canadian thanksgiving and our friends of northern heritage invited us over for a feast. I enjoyed an 18lb turkey, all the fixings, and a surprise reunion with an old high school classmate.

8 am in the morning

2011-10-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Enjoying eggs, toast and color crayons

Landon (out of the blue): Jesus is coming soon.

Mama (Is my child prophetic??!): Gosh, I hope so Landon. It will be wonderful when Jesus comes.

Landon: Jesus going to play with my toys.

Dad: Landon, who is Jesus?

Long pause.

Landon: Jesus give us our dinner.

It's a start.

I Let My Son Pee On A Tree At The Park

2011-10-05T13:17:00.000-07:00

But here's the confession: there was a decent public bathroom nearby.

Normally, I have no problem with little people (as in very young children) doing their business behind a bush or tree if there isn't a public restroom onsite. If there is a restroom than it should be used. Little boys especially don't need to think they can just whip their fire hoses out whenever they want and give the grass a watering. But, it's hard to hold it when you're two, and it just seems cruel to "punish"" a preschooler by heading home to use the bathroom when he/she responsibly told you that they have to go.

But here was my dilemma the other day. We are about two weeks into potty training and it's been going pretty well. We have better days than others. Some days are completely accident free but then the next it seems as though the lad is regressing. Since he hasn't completely mastered the art of doing one's business in the ceramic bowl I want to give him the opportunity to succeed whenever I can. And I knew remembering to tell mom he had to "go" while distractedly playing with friends on the playground was going to be tough.

So, when he exuberantly exclaimed, "Mama, I have to go pee-pee" mid-play I was ecstatic and wanted to make sure he won himself a gummy bear by avoiding an accident. The bathroom was just far enough away I doubted his ability to make it. And the portable kiddy potty I had brought with me was further than that. Desperate for success, I whipped down the boys pants and planted him next to a nearby sapling. He was a tinkling successful!

Tacky? Probably. But until we are done with "training" I guess I'm just what my friend Jessica would call: that mom.

A Hump-Day Laugh

2011-10-05T12:54:00.000-07:00

I put this on my facebook but I couldn't help but share it here as well.

It's just that good.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Friday

2011-09-30T14:15:00.000-07:00

I have had so much fun this week!

I loved getting dressed up each day, meeting so many wonderful ladies, being continually inspired by everyone's unique styles, and feelin' the love in the comment section.

Thank you to all who participated.

And a great BIG thank you to Emery for hosting.

I too thought it would be fun to do a day-to-evening look since it's Friday.

But be warned, I didn't have a chance to take pics until little man went to sleep this afternoon, so once I set up the tripod and realized I had at least an hour and a half of uninterrupted time, I took A LOT of pictures.

DAY

lace blouse: free people, gift from sister
tank: anthro
skirt: paige denim
boots: frye
jacket: stewart + brown sample sale

NIGHT

necklace & headband: f21
pants: zara
shoes: calvin klein

I rarely wear heals since I'm nearly 5' 9" and when I put them on I tower over everyone.

Except my dear husband. When I met RJ in college we were the same height. He was so cute I stoically mourned the loss of heels forever and settled on a life of ballet flats. Then God gave me an crazy unexpected gift and the man grew 4 inches his 21st year!!

Anyway, I got these heels a few months ago for my 10 year high school reunion and I am absolutely obsessed with them. The wide heel makes them super comfortable and the color goes with everything.

RINGS

This ring, from the Day Look, was from my great aunt

And this amazing ring (not the greatest pic) my sister brought back for me from Portugal.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
My two guys are going out together tonight so I'll actually be in my yoga pants at Barnes & Nobles sipping a carmel macchiato and reading a book. ahhhh

I have truly enjoyed "meeting" so many of you.

Lets stay in touch.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Thursday

2011-09-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

The sun has been breaking free during the afternoons so today's fashion is a bit more spring than fall.

I was just excited to get one more wear out of my favorite summer straw hat.

Not much else to report today.

We too are off to the library to return some late books and movies.

Then maybe a smoothie date downtown with the little munchkin and some park time.

hat: anthro
shirt: anthro
pants: levi
shoes: old navy
braclet: f21

Hope everyone has a great Thursday.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Wednesday

2011-09-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

This is my Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen look: oversized, big, comfortable.

I just need some enormous sunglasses and a human-sized handbag.

Once again it's an attempt to take a summer maxi dress into fall.

I just threw what my husband calls my "grandma sweater" over the top and added boots.

But to be honest I'm going to be changing into something summer in a moment. The fog is already lifting and it's going to be warm out.

Sweater: thrifted
Dress: f21
boots: zulily

I was so concerned about my son having an accident yesterday that I forgot to take up Emery's challenge. I'm on it today for sure. How fun to encourage someone with a compliment. I know it always makes my day when people reach out and say something nice.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Day 3

2011-09-27T08:01:00.000-07:00

Today's a BIG day

so I thought I would dress up a little.

This is one of my favorite skirts. My hubby brought it home for me from a business trip a few years ago. He saw it hanging in a window display and thought I would like it.

He's the best. Seriously. He really is.

shirt: anthro
belt: target
skirt: anthro
boots: frye
below:
shoes: target
bracelet: f21

I tried two different shoes just for fun.

Throw a cowgirl hat on my head and it almost looks like I'm ready for a hoe-down in this picture.
Bring on the fiddle dancing!

And our BIG day today:

Landon's going to venture out into the world in his underpants.

After a week of potty training we are leaving the feakishly absorbent Huggie-pants at home and stepping out in big-boy Lighting McQueen under-roos.

A huge step in the life of a stay-at-home mom.

I'm pretty excited. And incredibly nervous.

When this boy has an accident it's no little leg dribble; he creates an enormous puddle of epic proportions. So I'm packing a towel next to the extra pants.

Wish us luck.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Day 2

2011-09-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments.

They seriously made-my-day!

Emery's blog really has a way of brining together the most wonderful people.

These jeans have stirrups - which I think is just about the most awesome thing ever!

They stay tucked into my boots so easily and I don't have to worry about bunchy knees.

I hadn't worn stirrup pants since my horse-riding days in the 4th grade.

Pretty soon you'll might see me in a bodysuit again too.

Tee - f21
cardi - f21
stirrup jeans - gap
boots - zulily

The sick little peanut wanted to get into the action too.

I can't wait for little guys nap so I can take a moment to see what all you gorgeous ladies are wearing too.

Fall Fashion Week 2011 - Sunday

2011-09-25T14:55:00.000-07:00

Thank you Emery for hosting!
(And if you don't know Emery you really must. Head over to her blog.
I've been a faithful reader for 4 YEARS. She's that delightful.)

WoooooHoooo!!!! It's Fall Fashion Week.

The only week of the entire year where I put conscious effort into my wardrobe choices for 7 straight days.

I am so bummed I missed yesterday's fun.

The little man has Roseola and he has been all consuming.

Irritable does not even begin to describe his behavior.

Poor little bug.

But Dad is back from his work trip giving me a few extra moments to dress up.

Living in Southern California I never actually pack away my spring and summer clothes.

Because, you know, sometimes it's 80 degrees on Christmas day.

And I have a teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy closet so I have to find ways to incorporate my

lighter stuff into fall and winter fashion.

There is actually a chill in the air today so I was excited to bring out a sweater and boots.

Which I paired and layered with one of my favorite maxi dresses from this summer.

Long sleeve shirt - J.Crew
Maxi - f21
Sweater vest - Anthro
Boots - Buffalo Exchange

Runny Noses and Cutie Pies

2011-09-23T08:16:00.000-07:00

On Saturday mornings Landon helps RJ with the yard work. He's got his very own sheath to carry around his "pruners" (a pair of dull pliers). He's also insistent on wearing his Easter hat.

Last weekend the three of us were sitting on the front porch having breakfast before starting chores. I looked at my two guys snuggled up next to one another and couldn't help exclaiming, "The two of you are just so cute!"

"You're cute too mom," Landon replied. Made.My.Day!

This boy cracks me up.

A few weeks ago L and I were laying in bed together. He had a cold and RJ was out of town so I let him sleep with me. He was laying there sniffling. sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff, over and over again. Poor kid had a leaky faucet. Suddenly he turned to me in panic. "Mama!," he yelled. "My nose isn't working!"

Don't you just hate it when your nose doesn't work.

4 Months Waiting

2011-09-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Although it is months and months and months away I am still so excited to get "the call."

The referral call from our agency when we will finally learn your name, your story, and see your sweet picture.

Then we will get to travel to Ethiopia to meet you, hold you, squeeze you and love on you.

After that will come the agonizing waiting period as we wait to pass court, clear embassy, and prepare to bring you home.

Then we will go back to pick you up as part of our family forever.

There will be a really long plane ride.

Finally we will bring you through the door of your new home.

That is the part I am most excited for.

The part when you come home.

Like a pregnancy before delivery, or a wedding before marriage, this adoption journey is crazy.

It's exciting and full of anticipation.

There are twists and turns and unexpected hurdles, as well as blessings.

But it's all a just a precursor to the real-deal.

When you finally come home.

2011-09-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

All summer we grew Landon's hair out. We are big fans of the shaggy haired look. It's very beach boy. Very Renaissance Man.

But inevitably a mullet begins to grow and you're stuck in a conundrum: suffer through the mullet phase until the hair gets longer or go back to a freshly shorn, cropped coif.

I thought I would get all clever and just "clean up" Landon's mullet myself. RJ and I were pretty pleased with my hairdressing skills for a day or two. And then I took a photo of my little man and my eyes were opened:

I'm sorry sweet boy. Mama made you look like a goon.

Back to the barber we went.

(It is near impossible to get a pic of this child smiling sweetly)

Much better.

The Solicitor

2011-09-08T14:44:00.000-07:00

I had a solicitor come by at 7:30 A.M (!!!) yesterday. A college student going door-to-door selling educational materials for preschoolers. (Yup, she caught me in sweats, messy bun on the top of my head, dark circles under my eyes, and a breakfast-wearing toddler reeking havoc behind me). Who knocks on someones door at 7:30 in the morning?! Unless you're an immediate family member I probably don't want to see you before 8 (and you really don't want to see me either).

Maybe the early morning approach was because she was trying to reach working mothers? I'm not a working mom, but I can image that if I was one 7:30 would probably be the most opportune time to sit down for a warm chat about preschool language education. Perfect timing to take 15 minutes to pursue colorful workbooks and discuss the merits of early second language intervention; because most working mothers naturally build in an extra twenty minutes into their calm, organized morning routine for unexpected interruptions and exciting buying opportunities. [insert sarcasm throughout paragraph.]

I might be acting a bit hard on the girl. She was a college student after all; she was probably trying to pay off her ~~bar tab~~ tuition. And normally I would feel more compassionate for her unfortunate sales position, however, all compassion was lost when she got a bit hostile with me after I very politely decline her materials. Maybe it was my morning breath.

Our little neighborhood gets quite a few product peddlers throughout the week. I've been wanting to put up a small "No Soliciting" sign in our front window, but RJ things it makes us look unwelcoming. I'm curious, what do you think? Do you open your door to sales people? And do you ever buy anything?

3 (1/2) Months Waiting

2011-09-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

You know who can not wait for your arrival: Your big brother Landon!

He might not completely understand adoption or know where Ethiopia is but he loves talking about brothers and sisters. And he loves playing with friends;

so I just know he's going to be thrilled with you get here.

You are going to have so much fun together.

2011-08-28T14:14:00.000-07:00

Today you are 30 years old.

I met you when you were 21; I was only 19.

We were just babies.

And now we have a beautiful 2 year old baby (he will always be my baby)

7 years ago today we were married in front of 100 of our closest
and most dear.

I can not image 1 day without you.

ily

We Like To Keep Our Play-Dates Educational

2011-08-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

Get Your Hands Dirty

2011-08-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

Hailed a possibly "one of the most important pieces of fiction since To Kill A Mockingbird, " by NPR.org:

The Help by Kathern Stocket.

This book is such a hot-button topic right now,

and since my friend Holly just wrote a great post and got me thinking,

I thought I would jump on the bandwagon too.

A lesson from The Help.

Like most good novels there is a hero and a villain. Most would say that Skeeter, the white gal from a wealthy Southern family, is our hero (although I would argue that the true hero is Aibileen). Her childhood best friend, Hilly, plays the villain.

We all love Skeeter because she's the game changer, the visionary, the crusader, the activist. She jumps the tracks and crosses the racial divide. She immerses herself in the lives of people who are different than her. Burdened by injustice she doesn't just sit around waiting for things to change she "is the change [we] want to see in the world" - she does something about it. Yes, we all want to be Skeeter.

No one wants to be Hilly. Self-absorbed, prejudiced, narrow-minded, racist. Hilly's treatment of black men and women makes us cringe. We can not believe someone would be so calloused. Yet, Hilly is not all terrible. She's supportive or her husband, attentive to her children, and she works to aid the poor. Remember the wonderfully ironic scene where Hilly puts on an elaborate benefit to raise money for the poor starving children in Africa. She does care about the black children; she just doesn't want them sharing her bathroom.

I want to be the hero in the story; I want to be Skeeter. However, if I'm truly honest more often than not I act like Hilly. Christ, my education and a decent socio-economic standing have taught me to recognize and reject blatant racism, so in that way I do differ from her. But, when it comes to being a hands-on, get-dirty, game-changer we tend to be more similar than I like. I don't want to go across the tracks; I just want to send my money over there.

It's comfortable here in my middle-class white neighborhood. The world is a distressing place. I am empathetic and burdened by poverty, disease, and injustices but I would rather not see them up close. Instead I'll keep a comfortable distance, and yet appease my cushy-life guilt, by sending a monetary donation.

Let me give you an little example. God has been reminding me that poverty, pain and injustice are not just foreign problems. So recently I began volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center for homeless, pregnant women in our area. The director of the center started me off with a simple task - once a month I make dinner for all the girls in the house - with the intention that hopefully I will make a connection with one of them more personally. Now, in order to connect with the gals I need to actually spend some time with them. The director suggested I cook the meal in their kitchen and then sit down to dinner with everyone. Great idea, right? Except, I haven't actually done that yet.

Instead I've just dropped the already-cooked meal off, said "hello", and then bolted. My excuse has been that since the ladies eat early I don't have anyone to watch Landon. Lets be real, I haven't actually tried to look for a babysitter. Why? Because I'm afraid. I'm scared to "cross-over" so-to-say and immerse myself into their world. They are in a desperate situation, most of them recovering substance abusers with backgrounds completely different than mine. It's so much easer to drop off my donation and leave. Stay in my bubble and avoid the yucky stuff: the drama, the pain, the hurt. Yet I know that my donation isn't really going to change anything. It's nice to eat a hot meal but lasagna typically doesn't alter the course of someones life. Relationships change people. Actually: Jesus in relationships changes people. (Believe me, I'm not saying that I'm awesome and I'm going to "save" anyone)

God's really been working on me in this area for the past two years. I don't want to stay in my bubble forever. I'm afraid that if I do I really will become a Hilly with a narrow, concrete world-vision. Instead I want to get in the game, so that I can help to change it. Our family's decision to adopt is one step in this direction. We want to be Jesus not just preach Jesus. But, as you can see from the above example, I still have a looooong way to go.

Obviously I don't think there is anything wrong with monetary donations. Great causes need both works and wealth. And there are seasons in life when we need to rest, recovery or repair before we serve others. But I wonder what you think: generally are we too eager to open our wallets and send our money rather than sending ourselves?

2011-08-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

I seriously thought I was such a good mom this afternoon when, while driving home from the zoo, I pointed out all the tractors on the side of the road so Landon wouldn't miss them. Apparently I tooted my own horn a bit too early:

"Ummm, mom. No. Those are diggers."

Digger vs Tractor

My mistake!!

I am hard pressed to tell the difference between a mini-van and an SUV so you can only image how uneducated I am in the realm of heavy machinery/farm equipment/construction "stuff". And really, I could care less. But because I love my boy I'll be borrowing his baby books with the pictures and labels of different tractor types. Some of those books are so detailed I think they were actually written for the clueless mothers of automobile-minded boys.

I'll probably need the dinosaur books too. I'm not sure how long "long-neck", "three-horn" and "sharp-tooth" are going to cut it.

what really matter

2011-08-11T20:23:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks I've really felt as though Landon and I are a ranging ocean storm. And he's the wind and I'm the waves; or maybe I'm the waves and he's the wind. Either way the two of us together is creating turbulence, white caps, and drowning victims. (Actually, I'm the drowning victim.)

I don't know if it's because he's cutting all four 2-year old molars at once.

Or if it's because he is 2-years-old.

Or if he's a particularly strong willed child (I have no one to compare him too so I'm not completely sure).

Or maybe something is just wrong with me. I mean - there is only ONE of him - so how hard should it be??? Friend are always warning me how much harder it gets when there are two or more; and women have multiple children all the time; so why do I sometimes feel like I'm sinking to the depths of the sea and I'm being strangled by 1 tiny, two-year old piece of sea kelp?

Two days ago, after a particularly challenging morning, Landon and I were driving to his gym class and in the front seat I was silently suffering a case of negative thoughts:

What am I doing wrong?
Why won't he obey?
Should we even have more children?
Am I failing him?
etc.
etc.
etc.

From the depths of my self-doubt I heard a tiny voice from the backseat.

Mommy?

Yes, Landon.

Jesus loves me.

Yes, Landon. Jesus loves you very, very, very much. Even more than Mommy and Daddy love you, if you can even image that!

And Mommy loves Jesus.

Yes

And Daddy loves Jesus

Yes

And Landon loves Jesus, too.

My sweet, wonderful, challenging boy

A life preserver in the storm. A rescue boat when lost at sea.

Thank you, Lord. You knew I needed that, didn't you.

He might not put his shirt and shoes on when I ask him. He might run away when I tell him to come. He might require what seems like constant discipline. He might have a terrible little temper and a strong-as-iron will. But you love him. And really, he's no more sinful than me. (actually he's much less sinful.) And you love me too. And we love you.

And, at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

I RUN TOO FAST

2011-08-09T14:57:00.000-07:00

I absolutely love the fact that Landon and I can have full back-and-forth conversations now. His vocabulary and understanding is growing daily. Although he still gets some things messed up. Instead of using the word "too" he uses "so".

Throughout the day I hear a lot of:

"I too hungry Mommy. I too hungry."

"I run too fast!"

He's all boy

He's also a smart little bugger. The other night he was fussing and complaining at the dinner table. Frustrated with his bad behavior RJ walked Landon to his room, told him he could finish fussing by himself and when he was ready to have a good attitude he could come back to the table. RJ walked away and we could hear Landon in there whimpering a bit and getting out the last few complaints and grumbles. Once he was quiet we invited him back to the table. He climbed back into his seat and acted quite pleasant for a few minutes.

Normally we expect him to ask to be excused to leave the table and he has to wait until we both give him permission before he may get down from his seat. Shortly after returning from his fussing episode I saw his little eyes light-up: without a word to either of us he scrambled out of his seat and headed to his room. Before RJ or I could remind him to come back and ask for permission he unabashedly looked over his shoulder and announced: "I'm going to go do some more fussing. I'll see you guys later."Then marched into his bedroom and began playing with toys!

2011-08-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

These are RJ's favorite jeans.

He got them about 6 months ago at the Levi's store in Santa Barbara. When the weather isn't too hot he wears them probably 3-4 times per week.

They've been washed twice (maybe three times) in 6 months.

That's about 45 wears between washes. (!!)

He's tried to explain to me that this particular denim is meant to go unwashed for long periods of time. 2-3 weeks between laundering I understand; you don't want the jean to fade, you want it to fit to your body, etc. But 2-3 months? Really???

Then last week I was reading Jeanette Wash's Half Broke Horses and I cam across this quote:

"Levi's we didn't wash at all. They shrank too much, and it weakened the threads. So we wore them and wore them until they were shiny with mud, manure, tallow, cattle slobber, bacon fat, axle grease, and hoof oil, and them we wore them some more. Eventually, the Levi's reached a point of grime saturation where they couldn't get any dirtier, where they had the feel of oilskin and had become not just waterproof but briar-proof, and that was when you knew you had really broken them in. When Levi's reached that degree of conditioning, they were sort of like smoke-cured ham or aged bourbon, and you couldn't pay a cowboy to let you wash his."

I get it now:
RJ's just a cowboy deep down inside.

2011-08-01T14:48:00.000-07:00

We just returned home from 7 days in Yosemite filled with adventures, waterfalls,

critters, bike rides, friends, camp food and swimming.

Now it's recovery time and massive loads of laundry.

I'll check back in as soon as I emerge from the piles of grimy clothes

2 Months Waiting

2011-07-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

We have been two months waiting for you.

We can not wait for you to come home; to join our family table.

There are empty chairs waiting in anticipation

for you to come and sit: and eat, and play, and paint, and share, and pray, and draw, and study, and laugh.

Spontaneous dinner-time tickle party.

Two months down.

Many more to go.

You are more than worth the wait.

Our Journey to YES - part 4

2011-07-19T14:54:00.000-07:00

Remind me to never again start a post series during the summertime - it's too hard to keep up! It's been nearly a month since part 3 which you can catch here.

Fast forward one year and we are more firmly established in Ventura. RJ transferred from the retail store to a Quality job in corporate, we moved from our first teeny-tiny apartment to a bigger duplex, I got a good job in Santa Barbara and we found a church to call home. Looking to get more plugged into Reality Church and meet some friends we joined a weekly Bible study. A few weeks later we found ourselves having dinner with the Cicileo family.

I can't find a good photo of us with the Cicileo's around this time period so here's one of just RJ and I

Dave, Raegan, RJ and I hit it off immediately. It's not often you find friends where both the guys and the gals enjoy each others company equally. Ten minutes into our first dinner conversation we knew we would be friends for life.

Dave and Raegan also had a four year old son, Elijah. After Elijah went to bed that first evening, Raegan and I found ourselves alone while the men discussed real estate ventures in the other room. Kindred spirits we instantly began sharing our hearts. She told me how she had been praying about adoption (they had been unable to get pregnant since Elijah) but she didn't think Dave would ever consider it. Much to my own surprise I found myself telling her, "I would really love to adopt one day too."

Hours later, as RJ and I were driving home, I kept repeating that statement over and over in my mind. I had surprised myself when I said it, and yet, I felt utterly confident and sincere in my words. Almost as if God himself had written the desire on my heart before I had fully realized it myself. I really did want to adopt one day.

Meanwhile, I was sitting next to a husband mumbling something that sounds much like this: "It's just so weird. They're our age. And they're fun and funny and interesting but they have a four year old kid. It's just so weird. I'm not sure we are really going to be able to hang out; I'm not sure I'm into that kid stuff."

I immediately thrust all thoughts of adoption aside.

Mom Blunders (just one of many)

2011-07-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

I was so proud of myself last week: when my friend Amber came to pick us up for the beach and I already had Landon sun-screened, the beach toys packed, and lunches made. Usually I'm the mom racing around trying to cram everything together at the last minute and then inevitably forgetting something essential like water or extra diapers. But last Tuesday I had us beach-ready and rearing to go for one of the best beach days this summer.

The weather was so gorgeous and the water was so warm that Landon and I were able to go swimming in the ocean. Being in the waves without a wetsuit on is one of my absolute most favorite things in the world. I put Landon on my hip and we wade out until it was well above my waist. Jumping over waves, floating, splashing, and kicking around we had an absolute blast.

After lunch and sandcastles Amber and I loaded the kids into the car and headed home for naps. Rinsing Landon off in the shower at home I noticed he looked a tad pink which I found surprising since I had loaded him up on 50 sunscreen and we were only at the beach for about two hours. It didn't look bad though so I just slathered him in lotion, put him down for a nap, and began cleaning up the beach stuff.

And that's when I noticed it. I had used a new sunscreen and picking up the bottle to put it away I realized - this stuff isn't waterproof. Can I just say - my heart immediately sank to my toes. You've all seen pictures of my adorable, but incredible fair, child. This kid needs sunscreen. Two hours of sun exposure in nothing but swim trunks and no sunscreen spells doom for little Landon. Sure enough, later that night he was lobster boy.

Thank goodness, for unknown reasons, the damage was contained to his back and not his entire body. But that little back was RED. I scrambled on the internet trying to find every remedy for sunburns I could find. He enjoyed his first ever milk bath with washcloths soaked in whole milk spread all over his body. He was aloed, given medicine to help him sleep, and clothed in extremely loose fitting clothing.

I felt like just about the worst mother ever. Knowing my child was in pain because of a stupid blunder on my part was brutal. Every time I looked at him I felt awful all over again. The little trooper only brought it up twice, telling us, "my back hurt" and then running off to play two seconds later.

With Dad. On a better beach day

As my ever-loving husband said, "I guess you'll always check the bottle now!" Chalk that one up for experience. My poor firstborn. It's a bummer to be the "lesson learning" baby.

Adoption Update

2011-07-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I filled out the last page in my journal. I wrote out a prayer covering our marriage, Landon, and our adoption. I prayed that the situation with Ethiopian adoptions slowing down would be revised in a way that best benefits the children of Ethiopia. But honestly, I was praying that the number of cases processed each day would increase so that more children would come home to their families quickly - our children included.

Not four hours later I got an email from our family coordinator at our adoption agency. The number of Ethiopian adoptions being processes has increased! However, processes are still much slower than when we started our adoption. The email informed us that our agency has extended our projected wait time.

Originally we were told to expect to wait 7-11 months for our referral. Now we are told to anticipate a wait of 11-18 months. Because our dossier has only been in Ethiopia for 7 weeks and because our age request is so young RJ and I are assuming we will be on the longer of that wait period.

18 months before we see our baby's face. And then another 4ish months to get her home. 22 months total. It seems like an eternity. While this news wasn't unexpected it still feels like a major blow to the chest. This adoption stuff is hard.

And the enemy knows where to attack. Immediately I started doubting out call to adoption. I began worrying about Landon, about family planning, about anything and everything that is out of my control. I called RJ crying, but only got his voice mail.

Because my God knows me. He knew I would immediately go to my husband to comfort me when I really need to go to Him. I'm so thankful RJ couldn't call me back for an hour. I still cried when he did call. I'm still feeling anxious and sad. But during that hour before he called God nudged me reminding me to go to Him. And He poured out his comfort and love. Reminding me that He most definitely has lead our family on this journey and that He is still in control. All the pieces are still in His hands.

I long to go to Ethiopia. I think about our little one(s) over there all the time. I am having to hourly pick up God's promises as I mourn what I originally envisioned (home by next summer) and begin piecing together a new timeline. But don't lose heart sweet baby, it might be a long time waiting, but Mama's still coming for you.

Weekend Recap

2011-07-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

We had the most fabulous weekend.

I was starting to get super frustrated that we live in Southern California and yet I was getting seasonal depression the sun hadn't come out for so long. But finally the sunshine broke through the fog and we got ourselves outside. Here are a few highlights:

- On Friday I had the front and side doors open and a bird flew into the kitchen! It scared the living daylights out of me. I HATE birds. The feathers, the flapping, the sharp little beaks - uggg.I shudder just thinking about them. Just as I was starting the panic that I would never get the thing out he found the side door and flew back where he belongs.

- I got my hair done in a real salon chair for the first time in over a year.

- On Saturday we had an epic beach day. The water was warm enough to surf without a wetsuit. When I dragged my board into the water to surf Landon freaked out that I was leaving him (which is unusual for him). So the boys joined me out in the waves. L's been on a surfboard before but Saturday he caught his actual first wave. If you ask him about it he'll tell you - "I got a big wave!"

- Our friends joined us on the beach and the kids played so hard in the water Landon took at 4:45 hour nap on Sunday!!!

- Dallas, Meg and Lex came on Sunday night to spend the 4th of July with us. We got a babysitter for Sunday so the four of us could go out for the first time without kiddos in two years.

- Lex and Landon rocked the Ventura Push 'Em Pull 'Em Parade, the kiddy pool, the beach, and the mini-trampoline.

- We never made it to the fireworks. RJ and I were so beat after the festivities yesterday we could barely muster the strength to stand on the porch, arms around each other, to watch one exploding firework in the distance, give each other a kiss, and crash into bed.

Independence Day

2011-07-04T06:00:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July, friends!!

I hope each one of you has a wonderful day celebrating our Independence and Freedom.

I'll admit I often taken my citizenship in the USA for granted.

Recently I finished a heart wrenching book that reminded me just how blessed I am

to live in a country that allows me freedom of speech, freedom of religion, equality among men and women, and more.

All across the the word there are men, women and children suffering without these same rights. I highly recommend you take a moment to read Half the Sky. It's a remarkable book that will open your eyes, pierce your heart, and leaves you grateful and inspired.

And unlike many other social welfare books it's a very interesting and entertaining read. I even got RJ to read it and he finished it in 3 days - which could possible be a record for him.

Tomorrow we are celebrating the dear ol' USA with a children's parade, hot dogs, good friends, BBQ, and Landon's first fireworks.

I can't wait to see the look on his face!!! (And hopefully not too much fear in his eyes!)

My little patriot at least years festivities

I've Been Convinced

2011-06-28T09:51:00.000-07:00

RJ's been trying to convince me for the past six months that I should ditch my shoes and run barefooted but it took this book to convince me.

"Shoes block pain, not impact!
Pain teaches us to run comfortably!
From the moment you start going barefoot, you will change the way you run."
- Barefoot Ken Bob (page 157)

After a few barefoot runs on the beach I'm sold. Soon you'll see my hoofing it through town in these smokin' hot babies.

Or maybe I'll get the pink ones and really class it up.

Our Journey to YES - part 3

2011-06-27T14:07:00.000-07:00

You can read parts 1 & 2 here and here

Four months, 12 counties, and an empty savings account later we found ourselves in London, England with nowhere to go. Back in San Luis Obispo our few boxes of belongings were in storage and my sister had taken up residency in our former place. We knew we could crash with the parentals for awhile but after a year of marriage and the trip of a lifetime cozying up with mom and dad sounded fairly awful (no offense, we love you guys).

Pictures from our big trip

Our senior years of college RJ started making the two hour drive from San Luis Obispo to Ventura about once a month. He had determined that Patagonia was the company to work for and he wanted in. But with hundreds of applicants for every available position and no industry experience RJ didn't hold much of a chance unless he knew someone on the inside. So he started driving down highway 101 to spend monthly afternoons sitting in the Patagonia lobby. He made friends with Chipper Bro, a Patagonia employee legend and gatekeeper to the inside, asked for informational interviews, bought people lunch and shook a bunch of hands. Even so, everyone told him it wasn't likely he would get a corporate position without experience; he would need to start in the retail store, get to know the garments and the company.

While traveling we had tossed around the idea of moving to New York City. RJ could work at one of the retail Patagonia stores and I could sling coffees at Starbucks while looking for something more substantial. If we ate only potatoes and found a teeny-tiny studio we could potentially pull it off. Between South America and Europe we stopped in NYC. RJ met with the Patagonia store managers and they told him to call once he was back in the states. A plan was slowly forming.

Our second to last day in London RJ found a pay phone and started making calls. Since our flight home has heading into Sacramento he thought he would start with the Ventura store, and if they weren't hiring he would ring up NYC. It was late November and the Ventura store manager remembered RJ. If you can get her in 6 days I'll give you a job. It's Christmas season and we're slammed, she told him.

It was settled. Good-bye NYC; Hello Southern California. We had a place to call home.

To be continued...

A Day For Father

2011-06-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

Family

Malibu

Surf

Sun

RJ -

You are an amazing father.

One of my greatest joys is watching you with our son.

How proud I will be if he grows up to be a God-fearing, faithful,

loving, compassionate, joyful, hard-working, life-loving man -

just like his father.

We love you,

A & L

One Month Waiting

2011-06-20T13:26:00.000-07:00

Today marks 1 month we have been waiting for our sweet babies.

Much like the photographs I took of my every expanding belly with Landon, I thought it would be fun to celebrate each month as we wait in anticipation for our referral.

So each month I will try to:

1) Take a "numbered" photograph somewhere special or fun that we looking forward to sharing with our new arrivals

2) Purchase a little something for the babies (since we are not decorating the nursery until we receive our referral)

3) Share information about an organization or project that directly or indirectly helps care for orphans

Also, I managed to hold on to my self-control this month and I did not check the Unofficial Waiting List until early this morning. Unfortunately, we have not moved up the list at all. Things continue to be slow in Ethiopia and we are anticipating a long road ahead of us. Surprisingly I am feeling incredibly peaceful this morning. I'm so thankful for God's peace. Without His reassurances I would be an absolute and complete basket case. We know our children are in ET and we continue to battle for them in prayer; hoping that they come home soon.

We took our number 1 picture at Malibu beach; a family favorite

Since the odds of having a little girl in the mix are high I couldn't resist this adorable jumper for a cute boutique

And I'm excited to share with you about one of my absolute favorite organizations: Compassion International

Help a Child

We've all seen the television commercials: the devastating images of malnourished children with overextended stomachs and flies buzzing around their faces while a 1-800 number flashes across the screen. And while you want to help you've probably also been warned not to trust these organizations; warned that the majority of the money you pledge actually goes to administrative costs and unnecessary overhead. But Compassion International is different. I KNOW they are an honest, hard-working, intelligently steered organization that cares deeply about children born into poverty.

Compassion has been in my life for as long as I can remember. My parents have sponsored children in Africa for more than twenty years. Once I could write my Dad often asked me to draft the letters we sent to our sister in Africa. (I have a funny story involving me writing to my African sister about our new dog Bagel the Beagle and her writing back about how she didn't really care much for dog meat!)

My father also acted as a spokes person for Compassion enlisting other members of the community to sacrifice a few dollars each month so that a child across the globe might go to school, receive meals and medical treatment, and be given an opportunity to HOPE and DREAM.

Adoption isn't for everyone. God does not call every family to adopt. However, He does call each of us to care for the orphan. And, what's even better, is to be actively involved in preventing children from being orphaned in the first place. Whenever a child born into poverty is educated he/she has a higher chance of securing better employment, therefore making more money, having better health care, and being better able to care for his/her own children. Women that have higher education also tend to have babies later in life decreasing their likelihood of dying in childbirth and orphaning their children.

RJ and I have sponsored children in Thailand and India for the past few years. We love receiving their sweet letters as they share with us their favorite games, the prices of tomatoes and local agriculture, their families struggles, their successes in school, and their hopes for the future. Compassion regularly hosts trips for sponsors to meet their sponsored children (paid for by the sponsor) and I greatly hope to have the opportunity to go one day.

I can not say enough about this wonderful organization. They send out an annual financial report, encourage visitation to their learning centers, and are actively on top of the latest needs and successes in social development. For the price of a dinner out each month you can make a significant difference in the life of a child.

Our Journey to YES - part 2

2011-06-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

read part 1 here

....but then my friend Shelley had a beautiful baby boy.

RJ and I met Shelley and Jeremiah on a short-term missionary trip to Scotland. RJ and I had only been dating about 6 months but we knew marriage was somewhere on the horizon; and when we got married we wanted to be just like our new friends. About eight years older than us Shelley and Jeremiah lived a lifestyle that RJ and I greatly admired. They had been married for at least five years at that point, had traveled the world for an entire year together, owned a cute little house in Los Osos, worked good jobs, surfed together continuously, took fun, adventures vacations, and they loved the Lord and each other. So a few months after our wedding (which they were an important part of) we were a bit surprised when they announced their pregnancy. We knew they wanted children at some point, but we couldn't quite believe our crazy friends were about to "settle down". (We were wrong by the way. Children did not keep them from continuing to pursue an adventurous lifestyle.)

Then I met Owen, and it all clicked. Born weeks premature little Owen with just a teeny, tiny bundle of love. I remember standing over him in the NICU feeling my heart turn to mush inside my chest - what a beautiful little miracle. My maternal instinct suddenly kicked in, and I knew those hypothetical two kids weren't hypothetical anymore. Someday, I wanted to be someones Mama.

But it wasn't our time yet. RJ and I had things to do! We still had to graduate from college (we were married young!) and, thanks to a generous gift from a grandparent, we had a three month travel trip planned. Our trip was set to end in November of 2005 and after that the world was our oyster. No jobs lined up, no place to live. Just a big, blank slate waiting to be filled.

To be continued

rose bowl flea market

2011-06-13T14:41:00.000-07:00

I was able to convince RJ to accompany me to the Rose Bowl Flea Market this weekend to hunt for hidden treasure. Flea marketing can be so overwhelming it's best to go with a buddy. Particularly if you are a nervous barterer like me.

I hate the bartering aspect of the market. I'm always worried I'll end up like RJ - who got beaten with a leather handbag by a feisty 90-year-old Italian woman while we were shopping the open market in Florence; apparently she was pretty offended when he offered to pay her only 20% of the listed price. But, always the deal-getter, RJ wasn't discouraged by that one set-back and he continues to wheel-and-deal for practically everything he buys. Throw in his impeccably good taste and he's the perfect shopping buddy.

We fitted Landon into the stroller, threw him a hot dog and an endless supply of snacks, and hours later we walked out with three new treasures:

- a stack of vintage photographs from the 40s and 50s to turn into fun greeting cards

- a new chicken food dispenser (guess who found this treasure)

- and an old industry-sized laundry basket. Made of canvas and leather it's a great decor piece and is currently being used to store linens. But when our kiddos come home its jumbo-size and wheels will come in handy for hauling massive loads of laundry!

Both RJ and I agreed that we wished we had started flea marketing when we were first furnishing our home. You can find the most amazing things among all the junk ( and you must be careful of the junk it often disguises itself as cool and interesting until you get come and realize that it has nowhere to live in your house.)I was inspired actually finish redecorating Landon's room and I got a bunch of ideas for the babies room too.

Our Journey to YES - part 1

2011-06-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Let me be honest friends, this waiting thing is really hard.

And we've only been DTE 2 weeks! We have months and months and months to go.

I've never been very good at that thing called patience.

And yet it seems to be something the Lord really wants to teach me,

because it just keep cropping up in my life.

But thanks to the Lord's incredible faithfulness I am slowly getting

better at waiting without anxiety. Waiting in eagerness, but in peace.

And since I'm not yet chasing around 2-3 little people I thought it would be a sweet time

to record the Lord's faithfulness to me in this area of struggle.

Which corresponds with out journey towards adoption.

Our journey to "Yes"

Once engaged RJ and I started premarital counseling with our dear pastor and his wife. Brian handed us a questionnaire, told us to fill it out separately, and then discuss the answers together. One of the questions was: "How many children would you like to have?"

Now RJ and I had both agreed while dating that we didn't want children. We weren't interested in being tied down - we wanted to travel the world, work internationally, and escape The American Dream lifestyle. No white picket fence, no kids, no minivan and no dog (HAHA - God has a sense of humor).

traveling in Costa Rica shortly after we were married

But I had lingering doubts in the back of my mind. I knew I wanted to travel, live in New York, explore foreign countries, ride elephants, and be a free spirited bohemians, but I wondered if I wouldn't change my mind at some point. I had always liked kids and people often told me I was good with children. Would I feel differently a few years from now when I was no longer 21 and could see a bit further down the road than the end of my own nose? Hesitatingly I answered the question with a number 2.

"Two kids," RJ questioned. "I thought we weren't having children?"

"We aren't", I insisted, "but, just in case we change our mind we should have a plan."

We agree on two kids and they would come waaaayyyy down the line (if ever).

But....

To be continued....

be still my heart

2011-06-06T20:36:00.000-07:00

Landon does two things pretty much all day long:

wiggle

talk

Considering my conversations go much like my writing it's safe for you to assume he inherited his

long-winded nature from his Mama!

He chats about his breakfast, he chats about his cars, he sings his ABCs and the Fishy song, he chats about his lunch, about his friends, and about the chickens. He tells me about his books, he claims every song on the radio is his favorite song, and he mimics me continually. Even the words that sometimes slip out and I would rather him not say.

Being a chatty Cathy myself I totally love his constant communication.

However, for months I've been waiting to hear those magic words:

I love you Mama.

He's been saying "love you" for a long time, but only ever as a response. He would say "love you" back to RJ and I whenever we told him we loved him, but he never said it spontaneously.

Until a few days ago. I was kneeled down next time him and we were cheek to cheek waiting for his favorite cartoon to begin. Suddenly he put his arm around my shoulders and declared:

I love you Mama.

Be still my heart.

What a precious treasure.

I know not all children are able to speak and express their love verbally, so I treasure Landon's precious words in my heart. They are such a gift.

Love you too, bug.

2011-05-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

There are so many beautiful adoption videos on the web.

I could watch them all day long and just cry and cry.

Cry happy and sad and hurt and joyful tears.

I really loved this video and the accompanied song.

I had to share.

rediscovering the library

2011-05-25T13:27:00.000-07:00

Somehow I forgot about the library for the past three years. Instead I've been spending waaaayyyy too much money on Amazon buying books. Not to mention if we ever move we'll have to rent a forklift just to get all the boxes of books out - I have a hard time parting with my paper treasures.

AND, in the past three years, while I was scouring thrift stores for best sellers, our library went high-tec. Now I can reserve books online and have them labeled and waiting whenever I want to pick them up. No browsing through card catalogues and aisles with a crazy toddler at my feet. Genius. I am a happy, happy girl. But I've had my nose so buried in literature I don't think I've seen my husbands face in two weeks. It could be a problem if I don't start pacing myself and coming up for air.

Landon loves it too. Since I'm freed from searching for my books we've been spending time reading in the kids section. He got to check out a few books on trucks and I allowed him two movies. But I am a tad bit worried about our three week deadline. Seeing that he shouted at the librarian "MINE" when she tried to scan the Winnie the Pooh movie he could be in for a huge shock on June 17th when they have to go back.

For a list of all I've been reading check out the side bar to the right - Good Reads. And while you're at it leave a comment with your favorite read because I'm allowed 49 items at a time...oh, dear.

random bath picture
because he's really, really, really cute

WE ARE DTE!

2011-05-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

Our dossier is off to Ethiopia!!!!

I was so giddy on Friday when I got the email confirming that our dossier had been shipped that I could hardly stand still all day. I think I've tracked the package 12 times in 36 hours. (It's been stuck in Memphis, Tennessee thanks to some thunderstorms.)

We have been added to the unofficial waiting list that our agency Yahoo Group keeps up to date so that we can somewhat track when we might receive our referral. Currently there are many people ahead of us, but I'm not worried, everything will fall into place with God's perfect timing.

However, sneaking continual looks at that unofficial list is super tempting. I can image myself spending way too much time lurking around our yahoo group waiting for people to get referrals so we can move up the list. When I was pregnant with Landon I was so excited to purchase the What To Expect book, but I always forced myself to only read the week I was currently on. I was never allowed to skip ahead. Every Sunday I would grab the book and read about the upcoming week. I've decided to do something similar with the unofficial waiting list: I will only allow myself to check it on the 20th (our DTE date) of every month. That way I won't waste countless amounts of time staring at the list willing our name to the top.

Also, some families celebrate there DTE date each month. (Ex: Since we are DTE (dossier to Ethiopia) on 5/20/2011 we would celebrate 1 month waiting on 6/20/2011, two months waiting on 7/20/2011, etc.) I think I want to do the same and somehow document each month. RJ thinks I'm weird, but I feel as though it's my way of "taking belly pictures" like I did with Landon. I want to have some sort of documentation to show our kiddos how much we anticipated their arrival, just as we did for their big brother.

Just for fun: 5 months pregnant with Landon

In His Hands

2011-05-17T13:46:00.000-07:00

Last Wednesday I sent our dossier (5 months worth of paperwork, sweat and tears) to our agency in Washington D.C. As I handed it over to the Fed-Ex employee (who assured me for the 100th time that it would arrive safely) I felt a mixture of extreme excitement mingled with a tiny bit of anxiety.

For the past 5 months our adoptions has been (almost) completely in my hands. I've been slowly working down a elaborate checklist: marking boxes, filling out forms, making calls, and praying for appointments. And, as of last Wednesday, my job is done (for now). For the next many months all RJ and I do is wait for our referral (match with a child(ren)). And pray. And wait and pray some more. And even more.

The absence of something to do is a bit unnerving. Because without something to keep my hands busy I have to completely and utterly trust the Lord with our adoption.

Not two hours after I mailed our dossier we got a disheartening email from our agency.

It has been confirmed that Ethiopia has significantly reduced the number of adoptions it is processing each day. No one knows if this reduction is temporary or long-term. All we can do, once again, is wait. And pray some more. Our original wait time of 7-11 months for referral will most likely be much longer - and could potentially stretch into years.

It's as thought the Lord was telling me. I'm being serious here. You must completely TRUST me with this adoption. With your future "planning". With your family, your children, and your timeline. It is in MY hands, not yours.

Two days ago I work up with anxiety thinking about the potential wait ahead of us. And the Lord gave me this verse (which I had never read before, so I know He had it for me specifically that morning):

"He [the man who knows the Lord] will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear." Psalm 112:7,8b

So I will not live in fear that the reduction in ET adoptions are permanent. I will not wait anxiously for the bad news that our babies are years away from coming home. Instead, I will be secure in the Lord and trust Him. AND, in faith, I will continue with the same prayer I've had since we first decided to adopt: That we might have our referral before Christmas of this year. And if that's not the case, then Your will Lord, not mine, be done.

In all honesty, sometimes that last part has to be said in obedience rather than out of emotion. At times my heart takes awhile to catch up to my head. But never has the Lord forsaken me, so i know he will not now.

If everything goes smoothly at the Ethiopian Embassy this week our dossier will be Ethiopia bound on Friday!!! Woot! Woot!

Happy Weekend, Friends

2011-05-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Filled with love & friends.

Siblings and Jelly Beans

2011-05-10T08:52:00.000-07:00

Landon still asks me for an Easter Egg every morning. Apparently the colorful plastic eggs filled with jelly beans make quite an impression.

And one of my most favorite things right now is having full conversations with Landon. He's talking in full sentences and has even started asking questions. His favorite: "What ya doin' Mama? What ya doin'?"

Although he still answers most questions asked to him with one word answers. Here's a sweet Q&A we had in the car together yesterday.

We had just seen Landon's friend Lucy and her twin baby brother and sister.

Me: Landon, do you know what brothers and sisters are?
Landon: yeah

Me: Do you want brothers and sisters?
Landon: yeah

Me: Do you want a brother or a sister?
Landon: sis-ta

Me: Do you want an African sister?
Landon: yeah

To check if he was just answering everything "yeah" I asked:

Me: Would you like your sister to come to us from Africa or somewhere else?
Landon: Aff-E-ka

I'm so glad he feels the same way RJ and I do. A part of our hearts are in Africa with our children and their birth families, and today we get one huge step closer to them. The very last paper we need to finished our dossier is scheduled to arrive at 4:30pm today!!!

My Mother's Day

2011-05-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

RJ is a fantastic gift giver.

He has such incredibly good taste.

Much better taste than I have.

About a week ago I told RJ about an article I had read in Real Simple (hint, hint).

The article was about a woman with 6 children (bio and adopted) who decided to create a

"Mom Book." Rather than receive multiple dollar store trinkets from her children each Mother's Day, birthday, Christmas, etc. she asks each one of her kids to write an entry in the "Mom Book." It might be a poem, or a picture, or a letter - anything they want that represents their relationship with Mom.

Now, years later, her college sons still come home and fill in their entries.

Brilliant, right?!

So on Saturday while I was busy at a baby shower, 40th birthday celebration, and book club meeting RJ and Landon were hard at work.

They drove up to a boutique paper store in Santa Barbara and spent some time creating a 2011 Mother's Day masterpiece.

On Sunday morning I woke up to this:

A gorgeous new orchid.

A Rag & Bone box wrapped in twine with this a beautiful book inside in my favorite colors.

And some mixed media art (pastels and crayons) from my favorite little artist.

I am so incredibly grateful to be his Mother.

i love you, mom

2011-05-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me."

"They have clung to me all my life." ~Abraham Lincoln

Depth vs Breadth

2011-05-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

I just finished a brilliantly written, remarkably moving novel called Little Bee by Chris Cleave. One of the themes of the book is social service - can one person make a difference in the world. At one point one of the narrators, Sarah, an upper-middle class working woman reflects, "Do you remember back when you felt you could actually do something to make the world better?"

Meanwhile, I had also recently read a blog post over at Rage Against the Minivan. The post was on a topic that comes up often when discussing international adoption - people want to know why spend all that money (usually $15,000-$30,000) on one adoption when you could instead finance the building of 4 wells for clean water and affect 200+ lives?

I love what Kristen wrote over at Rage. Who gives anyone else the right to judge how you spend your money? Why do some people buy their kids $100 Nikes when they could buy him $20 Target sneakers and give the rest to the homeless community? (And I love her point that a hospital birth is often more expensive than adoption!) Not to mention that many adoptive families, particularly international adoption, are involved with fighting poverty in their children's home country (I have so ideas brewing about financing some clean water projects in Ethiopia that I'm pretty excited about.)

While I was in Denver my friend Kelly and I mulled over both these topics. Can one person truly make a difference in the world? And is it better to use your resources (time, money, connections, etc.) to significantly affect one person's life or better to do something less substantial for a large group of people?

Kelly pointed out in her own career choices it's a difference of depth versus breadth. She explained, that while teaching she felt she was positively affecting all 30 of her students. Involving herself in their education and fragile 6th grade esteems. However, you can only get so deep with each child when there are 30 of them. Now, in her time with children through social work, she deals directly with less kids but at a deeper level.

Is one better than the other?

I think I have a tendency to believe that breadth is better because it's more grandeur. It often gets more attention. BUT living a life that positively affects anyone (one or one-hundred) is equally valued.

Martin Luther King Jr., for example, was more of a breadth guy - influencing and affecting hundreds of thousands of people. I'm going to bet that his Mama was more of a depth girl - very positively influencing and directly affecting her son.

I think too that we might fluctuate between having depth of influence and breadth of influence at different times in our lives. I have dreams of changing the world. I would love to work in a third-world county fighting poverty, teaching woman about family planning, and caring for orphans and street children. However, at this point in my life I feel as though the Lord has me in a place of depth instead. Pouring into my husband and child and other one-on-one relationships.

We often don't give enough emphasis on the important of pouring out to others in depth - particularly in regards to parenting. We praise the celebrity crusader and usually forget that someone (probably a parent) poured into him/her first helping shape his/her values. We love Abraham Lincoln who forever changed the lives of millions, but we forget to praise his influential step-mother as well. So in the midst of the monotony of raising a house full of little people we might ask ourselves, "do you remember when you thought you could make a different in the world?" forgetting that we very well are making a significant difference. I know that I need to be reminding myself because I too often get discouraged that my life isn't influential enough.

Big thoughts swirling in my head lately. Kelly also thought that with all my big thoughts and my tendency to talk too much and too loudly I should look into a career as a lobbyist. :) How I love the depth of influence of a good friend.

I pray that my life would deeply affect this guy for Jesus

*And I love the fact that I first published this post "Depth vs. Breath" - obviously my second grade spelling teacher didn't go for the depth thing with me

If you're going to get in an accident in the parking lot of Target...

2011-05-03T14:49:00.000-07:00

...make sure to be wary of your fellow super-store shoppers. Not the person whose car you actually hit, but the looky-loos and scuttlebutts who want in on the action themselves.

I was driving RJ's ~~monster-sized~~ Tundra truck and forgetting just how enormous the backend I ~~smashed~~ clipped the rear-end of a parked sudan. The positive about driving a big, assertive vehicle is that I only got a scratch and the other car went crunch. The negative about driving a big, assertive vehicle is that I only got a scratch and the other car went crunch.

My daddy taught me well - I responsibly pulled over into an empty parking space ready to confess my guilt, and I immediately called my husband.

After one or two minute breather I got out of the car and assed the damage. What I wasn't expecting to find was a spotlight on center stage. The parking lot had turned into an exciting blow-'em-up and crash movie scene and I was the star. People were pointing and oohing and aahhing. Apparently cracked headlight and accordion bumper are a real show-stoppers with the Target crowd.

One gal got particularly caught up in the excitement and thought she would write herself into the script. She swayed up to me in her Juicy sweats and mid-drift top, ponytail bouncing. Noticing her aggressive behavior I immediately asked, "Is this your car" gesturing to the damaged Cryslar.

"No," she answered, "but I saw the whole thing. And don't for a minute think I'm going to let you get away with this you dumb-blonde soccer mom." (okay, she didn't really saw that last part but her tone definitely implied it.)

Then, as I was pulling out my phone to call my insurance agency she snapped a photo of my truck. And, for good measure, thought she should stick her cell phone in my face and snap a picture of me too!

Because pulling over, getting out of the car, assessing the damage, and calling my insurance screams, "I'm about to flee the scene of the crime and you need to do your duty as a good American citizen and get involved in the drama." A small part of me wishes I really had hit this chica's car.

The gentleman who actually owned the damaged vehicle took the stage just moments later. He was really, really nice.

2011-05-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

Hello Blog!

I have not forgotten you.

I just returned home yesterday from Denver where I spent four wonderful days with one of my absolute favorites. There really is nothing quite like a good friend - the kind that is both fun and comfortable. In the course of a day my friend Kelly and I can both solve the worlds problems and laugh so hard some pee leaks out.

After a mimosa brunch and good-bye in Denver my two favorite guys picked me up at the airport Santa Barbara and we went immediately to the beach.

And now I am utterly exhausted.
I'm just not used to racking up quite so many frequent flier miles.

Easter Sunday

2011-04-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter Sunday celebrating the Resurrection.

RJ and I decided to tell Landon about the Easter Bunny. Our plan was to keep it really understated. Let him have the fun of the bunny, the basket, and the egg hunt but center the day on Jesus. HaHa. So much for good intention. Ten minutes ago when I picked Landon up from his nap the first thing out of his mouth was "Easter Bunny?" As in, did that bunny come again today and can I eat more candy?

I kept with my mom's tradition for Landon's Easter basket: one chocolate bunny, a new Easter outfit, and a new book. Sweet and Simple.

I absolutely love church worship on Easter. This year our church put together a choir, and the view was spectacular.

Landon and his best girl Avery did a great job hanging in the bleachers during the service. Largely in part to the brilliance of our Children's Ministry director, my friend Jen, who passed out goody bags with crayons, candy, sunglasses, and bubbles before the service.

And I was absolutely thrilled to realized that both Target and the entire mall were closed for Easter. I made an emergency run out for trash bags and when I pulled up and Target was closed I couldn't have been more thrilled. Sometimes I feel as though our nation, which was founded on Christian principles, is turning it's back on God more and more. It was refreshing to see that big commercial companies are still recognizing Easter as a Holiday. Although I am sure they are politically correct and closing so that people may celebrate bunnies and family they are still observing non-the-less.

He is Risen. He is Risen, Indeed.

the helper

2011-04-22T13:50:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I discovered a slow water leak underneath the sink in the kitchen. It's probably been leaking for about a month without our knowledge and I was super bummed to have to tell RJ about it. Water leaks tend to ruin evenings.

Poor guy spend the majority of Tuesday night with his head underneath the sink. And when he wasn't down there he was a Lowe's buying an ~~second~~, ~~third~~, fourth part to try and fix it. I really felt awful for him so I tried to keep cold beers handy and Landon out of the way, but the little man wanted in the action. There were wrenches, and flashlights, and screwdrivers, and Daddy - a little boy's dream!

Had is been me stuck underneath that sink I would have been so annoyed by my "helper" crawling all over me and stealing my tools. But RJ has the patience of Job. He didn't seem to mind at all when Landon jumped on his stomach to grab a nearby tool, or blocked Dad out to get a better look himself. And despite the fact RJ was pretty upset about the water damage he kept his voice upbeat and positive while chatting with Landon.

RJ's such a fantastic father. I just love watching these two tackle projects together.

East Coast - The Food

2011-04-21T14:10:00.000-07:00

One of the highlights of our East Coast trip was definitely the food.

I memorialize trips by what I eat. I can remember the majority of the meals and snacks I consumed on our European adventure nearly 6 years ago far better than I can remember the churches and historic sites I saw.

And since RJ had to work during the day on this trip we lingered over long dinners together. Savoring the delicious food and the peaceful, uninterrupted, served after 9pm, adult conversation themed, mealtimes.

In Washington DC we had Ethiopian food for the first time.

Delicious! Full of flavor and spice. Somewhat reminded me of Indian food.
Anyone know of a good Ethiopian cookbook?

In New York City I had the most amazing grilled cheese sandwich.

I have thought about it every single day since then.

The cheese was on the inside AND the outside of the bread.

Crispy cheese on the outside; gooey on the inside
with mustard sauce

Connecticut was beautiful but no food to write home about.

But Boston....

Oysters with horseradish

Fresh clam chowder

From the oldest restaurant in America

Italian restaurants with staff that actually spoke Italian.

And Italian bakeries around every corner.

Stuffing my face with a pistachio cannoli

And because I hoofed it around the cities all day I don't think I gained an ounce.

Pretty much the perfect vacation.

Home Again

2011-04-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

I had the most wonderful time these past two weeks.

Palm Springs

Washington DC

New York City

Connecticut

Boston

Alone time

Amazing food

Shopping

And best of all,

lots of quality time with RJ.

Can't wait to share more with you

April 15th

2011-04-15T08:32:00.000-07:00

It's tax day.

The day the Titanic sank.

And one of the best days of my life.

Happy Birthday to my little sister, April. I can't believe that you're all grown up. I'm proud to be your sister.

And Happy Happy 2nd Birthday to my boy Landon. You are a gift and not a day goes by that I don't thank the Lord for you. Only two years old and already making a mark on the world.

And, if you missed the drama/excitement two years ago you can get Landon's birth story over here. Chelsea at Us Three Birds is featuring a collection of birth stories and I am honored to be a part.

Good-bye Hello

2011-04-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

I cried when I said good-bye to Landon yesterday. For a slit second I nearly backed out. How could I leave my darling boy for an entire week? But now, 24 hours later I am doing much better. I feel as though I'm saying hello to a part of myself I haven't seen in awhile. The independent, culture-loving, traveler who sometimes gets shelved in exchange for park time and snuggled. Both are "me", both fulfilling, but sometimes these two parts have a difficult time coexisting. It's nice to embody this forgotten side for awhile. Currently I'm sitting in a funky coffer shop in Georgetown DC. I've just finished an phenomenal americano that took five minutes to create. Pure coffee perfection. My handsome husband and I are sharing banana bread and organic yogurt while reading Relevant magazine and NY times. Every hour or so I wonder what Landon's up to and pray he is having fun and not missing us. But I think I just might enjoy these next few days after all.

Go Barefoot

2011-04-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

Join me tomorrow, April 5th, and go all day without shoes

You can get more information here.

"Shoes are a status symbol [in Ethiopia]

children dream of having their first pair."

- Dr. Larry Thomas

Chairman of the Tropical Health Alliance

Community

Conversation

Action

Change

separation anxiety

2011-04-03T10:18:00.000-07:00

In two years I've left Landon overnight twice. Once for a three day bachelorette party in San Diego and again for two nights in Pasadena for a wedding. Both times leaving was much easier than I anticipated. Actually, RJ and I were having such a good time at the wedding we both thought the other person checked in on Landon and his grandparents, but neither or us had, so we went more than 24 hours without even checking on him!

But that last trip was nearly a year ago. And yesterday, after I had left for four hours to go to Target and my book club meeting, Landon came running to the door to greet me. He threw his arms around my neck, wiped his snotty nose against my check, and excitedly told me all about taking a walk with daddy and seeing a really big bunny at the mall. My heart turned to mush right then and there and I wanted to freeze time forever.

So how am I going to leave my little guy for an entire week??! I am east coast bound with my husband, and rather than drag him on a quick moving trip we thought he (and we) would have a better time if he was with his grandparents.

I am so incredibly excited to have some time with RJ. Although we get alone time in the evenings after Landon goes to bed it's different to share an adventure, or even just a coffee and a donut, together without any interruptions or distractions. And the last time we stayed in a hotel we had to put Landon to bed in the bathroom forcing us to watch tv with no volume at 8:00pm - totally romantic.

But I need your encouragement friends. Veteran moms - have you left your little one for longer than a few days? How did you do? I've already determined that I will not talk to him on the phone. I think it will be too difficult for both of us. Any other tips?

OH, and for my traveling friends, if you had 24 hours in New York City, and you've already seen all the big tourist attractions, what would you do with your time?

yes

2011-03-31T14:07:00.000-07:00

7 years ago today

I answered on very big question

with a simple, small answer.

yes

i am thankful daily that he asked

love you, rj

p.s. look at the couple in the background. do they go together or what! they're even standing the same way. hilarious

fingerprints and bath time

2011-03-30T17:06:00.000-07:00

WooooHoooo!! As many of you already saw on my Facebook I now love the wonderful people at immigration! They were so gracious to RJ and I and totally let us come in early this morning and do our fingerprinting.

I was so nervous going in today because I am an absolute rule follower - to the point of ridiculousness - so the idea of trying to upset the system gave me major queasy tummy. And huge armpit sweat stains - thank goodness I wore black! But it turns out that had we waited to be rescheduled we may have never received the correct paperwork, there was something wrong with our initial file and it could have resulted in never getting a new appointment. Praise the Lord that we went in! And thank you SO much for all of you that prayed for us.

Landon and I celebrated with an afternoon date at the new local frozen yogurt shop. He's a huge fan of chocolate with gummy worms and I like the tart flavor with sprinkles. Then we came home and hosed him off in the bath.

I am marveling at how quickly my boys is growing. He will be TWO in just a few short weeks. His personality is blooming before us and it's so fun to watch him come into his own.

patience, patience, patience

2011-03-29T13:38:00.000-07:00

HaHa! And I thought I would need a reminder to be patient on the Lord six months after my last blog post, not 6 days later.

I am currently hating on the US immigration system. We have to get our children's visas before we can send our dossier to Ethiopia. It's the last thing RJ and I need to collect, and three weeks ago I was feeling on top of the world knowing that I would make my goal and finish our entire dossier in 4 months.

But, of course, our fingerprinting appointment came in the mail two weeks ago (it's a randomly selected date and time that the government assumes you can attend) and both RJ and I were scheduled for the day after we fly out for the east coast. I sent in a request for a new appointment but I haven't head anything since so yesterday I called immigration. Only to be told that 1) they can not assure me that the local office got my request change 2) I can not call the local office because they don't have a public number 3) there is no way for me to check the status of my appointment 4) I may not go down to the local office without an appointment and 5) most often requests for appointment changes takes months.

I am so frustrated with the inefficiency of the system I could scream.

I am trying so hard to yet again commit myself to the Lord's plan and His timing. It's a lesson of being obedient in action and faith even if my emotions haven't yet followed. A tough one for me as I tend to be somewhat emotionally driven (please tell me I'm not alone in this!).

Tomorrow RJ and I are going to try to visit the local office just to see if there is anything else we can do. And if they turn us away then we will just continue waiting...

Ethiopia Update

2011-03-23T13:17:00.000-07:00

I am so thankful for our adoption agency. With the instability in Ethiopian adoptions these past few weeks it has been a blessing to work with an agency that is committed to both prayer and factual information. Our family coordinator has been so wonderful - answering my questions and being sure not to speculate or sensationalize anything.

I also banned myself from any online adoption groups or article research. Instead I am collecting information merely from our agency and other adopting friends. While some may think I'm being foolish I needed to protect myself from sensationalize news and emotional chat rooms. Somewhat like my decision to avoid Web MD. (Although Web MD's continual threats of death might have actually saved my life when it finally convinced my husband to take me to the ER when I had appendicitis.)

The news we have heard from our agency has been overwhelmingly positive!! It appears as though adoptions will not decrease as dramatically as was first reported. There might still be a slowing down of the process, however, it also seems as though there may be some bureaucratic changes initiated that help the entire system run more smoothly. Time will give us more concrete answers.

Personally I am growing significantly through this challenge. Although it sounds harsh, I am learning to guard my heart a bit more. International adoptions (and domestic adoptions) are risky. Just as pregnancy is risky. And while I won't withhold my love or compassion I am learning how to guard my heart just in case things don't go well.

Also, when it initially looked as though we were going to have to wait much, much longer to bring our babies home RJ and I had to ask ourselves the tough question: Are we going to continue with this? We haven't sent our dossier to ET yet so we could have still backed out without losing quite as much money. However, we reminded each other that God called us down this path, so unless He completely closes the door we will continue onward.

Finally, the biggest lesson for me was getting on my knees and trusting in God's timing and not my own. (SO hard to give up that control!!) I hated the idea of having to wait years to bring our babies home. And I hated the idea of Landon being so much older than his siblings. But then God brought me to the story of Caleb and Joshua. Both men were faithful to God but because of the sin of others they had to wander the desert for 40 years before getting to enjoy the Promised Land. 40 years!! Obviously that wasn't the original timeframe Caleb and Joshau had in mind. And yet God worked all things together for good in His timing. So I must and will trust that He will do the same in my life and my son's life.

(Dear friends, please remind me of this 6 months from now when my patience is cracking yet again.)

Landon Boy Strikes Again

2011-03-22T13:12:00.000-07:00

The other day RJ and I had dinner with some other adoptive parents to pray about the situation in Ethiopia and discuss some of the financial challenges with international adoption. There were four couples total - ourselves, another couple from our church, our hosts who go to a conservative church in town, and a local pastor and his wife who we had never met before.

The kids were hanging out in our friend's playroom with a babysitter while the adults noshed on burritos and salad in the front. At one point I heard Landon crying so I allowed him to come in to the table with the adults and sit in my lap for awhile.

While we continued our discussion Landon cuddled in lap and nibbled on my burrito. Then, just as the conversation lulled and things got quiet, he pointed to my Hansen's soda and yelled:

"BEER PLEASE MOMMY!"

At least my family never fails to leave an impression.

Tell-Tale Signs of a Stay-At-Home-Mom (#1)

2011-03-15T12:25:00.000-07:00

Last night over a dinner of tortilla soup RJ and I had a passionate* (rather one-sided) discussion regarding the pros and cons of two different grocery stores. Fresh & Easy vs Trader Joes.

The convo peaked at 13-gallon trash bags. One can pick up both hummus and trash bags at Fresh & Easy but not Trader Joes. A worthwhile payoff for harsh lighting and crappy produce?? The debate still rages...

But seriously - this is pretty much all I had to bring to the table last night: grocery story comparisons.

Not to toot my own horn but I consider myself a pretty intelligent person. I graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA and got my bachelors degree in less than four years. I read classic literature by choice, (somewhat) understand Shakespeare, and can conquer a pretty decent algebra problem. (Although I do worry about what I'll tell my son when he asks me how the internet works?) And yet, I have been reduced to discussing trash bags rather than economic stimulus packages.

I am careful not to lose myself in the jungle that is motherhood. It's important to me that I do things for myself. I write this blog for creative stimuli, run, read, follow the news, spend time alone with RJ and girlfriends, study my Bible, participate in a book club, cook for fun, and such. Our adoption experience has widen my learning to an entirely new genres. I'm studying phycology, family dynamics, sociology, economics, world politic, radical tensions, etc. And I'm finding this new area of study absolutely fascinating.

But, let's be real, the majority of my time is spend around peanut butter and jelly, matchbox cars, swing sets, and Go Diego Go (one point for learning spanish!). I told RJ that during this phase he shouldn't expect me to bring much more than laundry questions and playground drama to the table most nights. Thankfully he doesn't really mind as he finds laundry questions fascinating (love that my man works in clothes).

Sometimes this bothers me and I see myself as boring or uninteresting, particularly when I'm out with friends who work outside the home. However, for the most part I am able to count my blessings. It's SUCH a privilege to be home with Landon. And why should I care if other people find my days dull - I love getting hundreds of sticky kisses throughout the day. I love going down the slide with a toddler in my lap. And I love reading Dr. Seuss again. I'll trade fun for interesting any day.

*insert sarcastic tone here

Mud, Mud, Glorious Mud!!

2011-03-11T09:14:00.000-08:00

Photos by Hervey Photo

These adorable pics are just a teaser for the video my friend Kat

created to celebrate our fun in the mud.

Cuteness overload here.

Icebox Pie

2011-03-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

I've never really celebrated Mardi Gras. By the time I ended up at Cal Poly the city had started to put the smack down on the Mardi Gras party. Since a few college die-hards refused to let the "Biggest West Coast Mardi Gras" title die there were some after-shock parties. But I knew my boyfriend (now husband) wouldn't be thrilled with me bead collecting, and I wasn't so sure the boys were going to dish out many strands for my girls anyways, so I missed out on the green, gold and purple.

But friends invited us over for jambalaya yesterday (yum!) and thinking it was a Fat Tuesday theme (apparently she hadn't actually realized it was Fat Tuesday) I googled "New Orleans Mardi Gras desserts" and found this recipe.

Landon was insistent that he "help".

He got to lick the whipped cream spoon.
And he stuck his hand into the bag of powdered sugar - that was a big hit!

I'm always telling my girlfriends that this isn't my favorite age. But moments like this make me change my mind. I want to cherish every second.

p.s. the pie was SOOOO good. I had two slices and RJ ate so many he had to go lie down.

p.s.s. if you aren't totally sick of adoption stuff by now there is a really good article here that expresses many of my thoughts and options on the subject

Heartburn

2011-03-08T14:25:00.000-08:00

Our weekend was absolutely lovely. On Saturday morning we loaded the boy and our camping gear into the truck and drove north of Santa Barbara in search of sand and sun.

RJ borrowed our friends two stand-up paddles boards and we were blessed with seventy degree weather. Strapping a pink lifejacket onto Landon we plopped him on the front of RJ's board and the three of us took to the waves. The water was FRIGID so I had a feeling the poor boy wouldn't last very long - it keep lapping up over the sides of the board all over him. But just as I was about to call it, and head back to the beach, a seal lion surfaced mere feet from Landon's face. Sea Lions are one of the featured animals in his favorite book "Panda Bear Panda Bear What Do You See" so he was delighted and the cold forgotten. Now whenever we ask him if he went "surfing" he vigorously shakes his head yes and shouts SEA LION over and over again.

We ate hot dogs and mac n cheese for dinner and used RJ's down parka as Landon's sleeping bag. The night was nearly ruined when a group of sixteen people pulled a RV into the empty site nest to us and started blasting mariachi music. Thankfully my husband politely explained that our two-year old needed a relative amount of quiet if there was any chance he was going to sleep in a tent and our neighbors turned off the tunes.

I was so thankful to be out of town and enjoying my family this weekend. Otherwise I would have spent the entire time moping around my house heavy with anxiety and worry. On Saturday, before we left, I decided to check my online community. An article was thrown into my face from our adoption yahoo group - The Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs (MOWA) in Ethiopia is threatening to significantly reduce adoptions. Upon hearing this news my heart plummeted and I choked on my tears. I was devastated for the children, other adopting families, and honestly, for myself and our family.
I thought one of the advantages of adoption was no pregnancy heartburn. I was very wrong.

Since Saturday we have had more concrete information from our adoption agency. Things are unstable in Ethiopia right now, but not to the degree in which I first thought (and that article first sensationalized). Adoption advocates are calling for prayer as MOWA and the courts continue to meet regarding the future of Ethiopian adoption. Many in Ethiopia are pro-adoption; however, and rightly so, there are concerns regarding child trafficking. However, with 5 million orphans in a country only twice the size of Texas, it is my prayer that a reasonable solution be found to prevent the tragedy of unethical adoptions without sacrificing care of the institutionalized children who desperately long for families.

Through this all I have begun to truly understand how much of our adoption is completely out of my control. And that it isn't about me at all. Adoption is about a child who needs a family. Not about a mother who wants a child. Through God's grace both hearts are blessed, but the motivation must be purely about loving a hurting child. I am learning how to trust in the Lord with our family and with my heart. Easy words to say but difficult words to live. Throughout these past few days I have found myself pressing into Jesus. He continually reminds me that He works all things together for good for those who love him. But just when I seem to lay my fears at His feet - just when I sink into his peace - I seem to pick them up again.

Please join me in praying for Ethiopia.

sugar & spice

2011-03-03T14:29:00.000-08:00

Thanks to some friends who have gone through the process ahead of us
here's my adoption reading library.
I'm thinking I might as well get my master's in social work - it might be less reading!

I've always been afraid to admit that I would like to raise a little girl. I felt that somehow by admitting I would love to have a daughter I felt as though I was being disloyal to my son.

My dad has two daughters, and I remember as a little girl wondering if he wished one of us was a boy. Not because of anything he did or said but because that's what popular culture seemed to tell me - mommy's want little girls and daddy's want little boys. But my father always assured me he loved having girls. I very clearly remember him telling me that he had always wanted daughters, that he had grown up with younger brothers and thought it would be fun to have little girls in his life for a change. I grew-up secure that my dad loved everything about his little girls - the pink, the tea parties, barbie dolls, prom dresses, etc. Once assured that he had wanted and desired me more than any boy I never wondered if he secretly wished he had a boy to play ball with rather than a girl to play princesses. I was absolutely secure in his desire for me.

I LOVE having a boy. Not having any brothers I was incredibly excited when I learned we were having a boy-child and I would get a front-row seat into the world of men. It's been thrilling watching Landon's masculinity develop. The noises this kid can make when "driving" a truck! And never before did I know there were quite so many different varieties of tractors and construction trucks - cranes, excavators, diggers, etc. - the list is quite impressive.

But there is the part of me that lingers next to the pink tu-tus in baby Gap. And this adoption had brought all of my buried feelings about desiring a girl to the surface. Adoption is unique in that you have a choice in the gender of your child. It's a strange decision and quite honestly it felt a bit unnatural to me. I always assumed that if we adopted we wouldn't specify the gender of our child. However, thinking about the process and actually being in the process is quite different.

Also, by not choosing we would actually be choosing. In Ethiopia female infants are requested more often than males, so if we were to leave the gender field blank we would most likely be placed with a boy. RJ and I were really torn-up about this decision and we spend tons of time in prayer. We also sought counsel from other adoptive parents and pastors from our church. And during this process I finally gave away to my fear and admitted that I would love to have a baby girl.

But I worried that Landon would overhear me admitting my desire. I know he's only two but what if he remembered? What if he heard me say that I would like to have a daughter and he felt less desired? Or what if my admitting to wanting a girl caused him to feel that mommy likes girls better than boys? It's amazing how negative thoughts can consume you. And then the Lord whispered in my ear:

I place desires in your heart. I know you and I love you. Do not live life and make decisions from a place of fear. If you love and cherish your son he will know it. Fear is not from Me.

Those sweet reminders from the Lord have lifted such a weight from my shoulders. We are not called to make decisions from a place of fear and worry. He has placed a desire for a daughter on my heart. And the desire for a daughter does not in any way lessen my desire for my son. What freedom!

Once I was able to open my heart and confess my desire the decision making was so much easier. RJ and I felt a unified peace. Since the greatest desire of our heart is for two children we have agreed to keep the gender open for two children - boys or girls.

So there could be three little boys in my future - bring it! I love dirt and baseball.

However, if the Lord only has one child for us then we feel as though a baby girl is the best fit for our family. And not just because I would like a girl but the best for RJ, Landon and our daughter as well - the best for the four of us.

What freedom I feel knowing that it's okay for me to ask the Lord for a daughter. He already knows my heart and I should not feel ashamed or fearful of my desires. He knows our family and I have absolute trust in my God. He will place the perfect little person or persons in our home. Be it Ethiopian prince or princess.

If we are blessed with a daughter I think this book might come in handy!

2011-03-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

~ I've been processing and journaling so much during my quiet times lately that I don't feel as though I have much left for the blog. Sorry for my slacking lately

~ We had such a great weekend last week: wine with friends, a celebratory dinner in Ojai for a buddy's new job, family bike rides to farmer's market and to church, date night, and my first book club meeting

~ We read The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society. Super fun little book.

~ Our friend from college, Matt, just moved to V-town and lives a few blocks away. He volunteered to watch Landon for us on Sunday night. L's always been okay when left with the babysitter but this was the first time he actually pushed us out the door. "Bye Mommy. Bye Daddy. BYE!". I think he likes Uncle Matt.

~ Little dude is finally saying "Wuv You" all on his own without any cajoling. Last night RJ got a "Wuv You Wats Daddy." M-E-L-T-S my heart.

~ I sent off our I600A to Immigration and it arrived Monday. Please pray that it is processed quickly!!!

~ I also booked my ticket to Denver for the last weekend in April. I am so excited to go visit my dear friend Kelly. We already have such a great weekend planned and it's still two months away: reuniting with another college girlfriend, happy hour(s), watching the Royal Wedding while eating scones, and a run in Wash. park. Waaaahooooo!

~ Speaking of running I've been faithfully following my half marathon training plan for nearly two weeks. I haven't felt this good in years. My energy is up and my body is aching in that good sore way

~ If only my neighbor wasn't a girl scout - then I could really say I'm on the way to health and fitness. It's cookie season. RJ devoured an entire box of Thin Mints by himself in two days. Someone posed this question on Facebook the other day and I think it's worth sharing:

Thin Mint cookies: best girl scout cookies OR best cookies?

Cooking for Generations

2011-02-24T14:23:00.000-08:00

About a year ago I began noodling in my cookbooks. Mostly I would just score the dish on a scale of 1 to 10, but soon I found myself including substitution ideas or tweaking ingredient lists. Then I realized it would be fun to include the date or dates I had made that particular recipe.

After awhile my noodling evolved to full on journaling. Now I find myself writing down the occasion for the meal or the guest who had a taste. Often I just write "the 3 of us for a regular dinner," but it's fun to look back on when I browse through my cookbooks. (Remember, I'm one of those crazies that actually reads cookbooks; and the Trader Joes Fearless Flyer - I love that thing!)

And how neat would it be if fifty years from now my granddaughter goes to make a chocolate cake and realizes that her grandma made the exact same thing for her dad's 5th birthday party 40 years earlier.

The Adoption Process (in a nutshell)

2011-02-23T14:11:00.000-08:00

My friend Jessica left a comment the other day asking some questions about the adoption process. It's a crazy ride that apparently, like many big life changes, never goes completely smoothly - but here's the gist of what we will go through before brining our babies home:

(This our process with America World Adoption Agency for an Ethiopian adoption for a young child. Domestic adoptions are very different as is the process in other countries and for older children.)

THE PAPER CHASE:

After acceptance with American World Adoption Agency we were sent what felt like hundred-thousand pdf documents to fill our and notarize. All these documents will go into a big packet called a dossier. The dossier is translated and sent to a branch of the Ethiopian government called the Ministry of Women's and Children's Affairs. They will either accept or deny our application (once accepted with an adoption agency your refusal in the foreign country is rare).

The dossier is primarily comprised of three main parts - a Home Study, Visa papers (for the child(ren), and for lack of a better term, "lifestyle"documents.

The Home Study is conducted in-state with a social worker. He (in our case) visited our home three times and did both personal and couple interviews. Asking us things from how we handle stress to our saddest childhood memory to our feelings about meeting our adopt child's birth parents. After touring the home tour, interviews, meeting Landon, two sets of fingerprints, and document collection (he needed a stack of paperwork too) then he wrote a report on us and our ability to raise adopted children. The report is about 10 pages in length and pretty much covers our entire life story.

Our Home Study should be finalized tomorrow! This is huge for us and I am really excited to check it off as done. Then I will take a copy of the completed Home Study report to send away for our visa(s) for the adopted children. This involves more paperwork, finger-printing, and time as we wait for immigration to process our papers.

Meanwhile, I have simultaneously been working on dossier lifestyle papers. This stack of paperwork includes things such as birth certificates, medical exams, blood testing, police clearances, letters of recommendation, employment letters, proof of insurance, ten hours of online adoption education, etc. Each and every paper must be notarized. We have collected and notarized about 80% of these documents already! woot! woot!

Once all three parts of collected we will have the entire stack state certificated. Then is is ready to go to AWAA and from there is will be translated and sent to Ethiopia!

At that point we are considered DTE (dossier to Ethiopia).

PAPER PREGNANCY

The next step is called the paper pregnancy. And, like a natural pregnancy, mostly involves a bunch of waiting. And reading about being parents again (our agency gives us 5 books to read plus a whole list more to consider). Praying and preparing our hearts for our referral. Mostly likely we will wait 7-10 months for referral.

REFERRAL.

At some point during the paper pregnancy our family will be "on deck." This means we are towards the top of the adoptive parents list and our referral call should come shortly. The referral call is very, very exciting. Referral is when a family is "matched" with a child or children. We will be sent pictures and medical reports for the children. We can then either accept of reject our referral. You may only reject a referral two (or three) times.

You might wonder why I am unsure if we will be adopting one or two children. The reason being is we have requested to adopt two young siblings. And although there are many, many orphaned siblings in Ethiopia not all children have the necessary paperwork required to be adopted. Therefore, when it is time for our referral young siblings may not be available. If that is the case we will be matched with one infant.

COURT

After accepting our referral the child(ren) are transferred from the orphanage to our agency's transition home. Then we wait for our Ethiopian court date. This can happen quickly or, once again, take a few months. Once we have a date we quickly (you often don't have too much notice) fly to Ethiopia (trip #1). We get to meet our child!! and (hopefully) pass court the first time. Sometimes you don't pass immediately and therefore have to go home while your agency stands in for you.

Honestly, I don't know too much about the process after this point. I haven't yet been filled in. However, I do understand that usually there isn't much time between the two trips (2-6 weeks). Some parents chose to stay in Ethiopia for the entire time. I would absolutely love to but I'm not really certain that is feasible for us. We will see.

HOME

Obviously, the second trip is to pick up your child and bring them home!! We would also love to spend some time exploring Ethiopia and our son/daughter's cultural heritage.

It's going to be a crazy journey!!!

dear, sweet Nina

2011-02-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

My heart is heavy today. Rosey, one of my blog friends (isn't it amazing how you can feel intimately connected with someone you have never met. it's one of my favorite things about this blog world. i think sometimes we women have difficulty opening ourselves up and being vulnerable and the "anonymousy" of the online diary gives us the freedom to share our heart - something to think more on later), along with her husband and son, are suffering greatly today.

Six months ago Rosey's precious daughter, Nina, was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. Yesterday she went to be with the Lord.

Hold your babies close today. Give your loved ones an extra squeeze. We just never know how long we have with them. Each and everyday is a precious gift.

Please join me in praying for this family.

pictures from a long weekend

2011-02-21T13:36:00.000-08:00

It was cold on Friday. A good day for snuggles and beanies

I have no images from Saturday b/c I spent the entire day with a nasty cold.
RJ took Landon around town for the entire morning so I could sleep in and rest. Love that man.

Mowing the lawn is way more enjoyable with a buddy

After church on Sunday we hopped on the train to Santa Barbara.

L is really into all things transportation - cars, trucks, planes, trains, tractors, diggers, excavators, dump trucks, cranes, etc.

(And I'm learning so much along the way. Who knew that excavators and tractors aren't the same thing?!)

Waiting for the train!

Cruising down State street

Best $6 ever spent on itunes. an episode of dora the explorer
whip it out when we are about to melt down and all is well in the world again
love that tongue. it's been peeking out since day 1

today - recovering from all of yesterdays fun and playing in the dirt

I hope you had a fabulous President's Day Weekend too!

2011-02-18T12:34:00.000-08:00

Two days ago Landon and I were watching g~~lee~~ a television show together. We were all snuggled up on the couch and I was thinking about how sweet and wonderful my little monster man is. A commercial for a cell phone came on, I think it was for a Droid, and it featured this little green space-alien-thingy. The little green alien was floating around going on and on about 4G networks and so forth. Suddenly the alien fell down, or bumped into something, I can't quite remember. And my precious, innocent son shouts -

"Uh-Oh!! F*ck!"

I nearly swallowed my tongue in shock. I just sat staring at him as he continued to shout obscenities at the screen; racked my brain to remember if I had ever accidentally dropped an f-bomb in his company. I couldn't remember a single incident so I wondered who I was going to have to blame - and then it suddenly dawned on me:

He's saying FROG.

He thinks the little green alien is a frog. "Uh-oh, FROG."

whew.

Now I just spend my time asking him to say "frog" for my own amusement. It's hilarious.

surfers are really cute

2011-02-17T11:43:00.000-08:00

Five years and a dozen surfboards later my hubs earns the title

RINCON LOCAL.

You are living the dream, babe.

Stoked for you.

And you are really handsome too.